Houston Bulls Battle a Peewee Team for Roster Spots

[SweatyBeaver 132]

It has become increasingly clear that the Houston Bulls may have jumped the gun with their city wide celebration and have experienced the worst hangover in human history. Since their city wide party the Bulls have went 1-15-0 and are once again the laughingstock of the league. “Mexico is somehow still worse than us.” a very drunk player told reporters before passing out during one of the teams infamous sadness drinks.

 

“Enough is enough” a very frustrated Sonnet told reporters after her phone was exploding with messages from other GMs making fun of her and her team. “This team needs a revamp” She began to scour the local hockey scene looking for up and coming teams who could take the mantle and lead the her back into the win column. Finally, she found them; the pride of the Houston Peewee league; The Gulfton Orange Slices.

 

This team of eleven and twelve year olds had dominated the Houston peewee league and Sonnet believed that these kids could lead her team back to glory. “The Orange Slices have done what this current Bulls roster never could do, they have actually won games” she told media before the biggest moment of the Orange Slice’s lives.

 

For the Bulls players they thought it was another regular practice that they were going to put no effort into, little did they know their jobs were on the line. The Orange Slices were on the ice in their neon orange jerseys hungry for a chance to take the place of the current Bulls roster. “I want us to destroy them and ruin them for everything they are worth.” Captain Timmy McGraw said to his team in his squeaky pre-pubescent voice while rallying his team pregame.

 

The two teams were going to play a 20 minute game, the team that won would enter the VHLM as the Houston Bulls. The current Bulls roster was shocked that their jobs were now on the line and dependant upon a game against a team of children born in the late 2000’s.

 

The game started off fast as all of the dads in the audience jeered and mocked the Bulls roster as they desperately tried to stop the Orange Slices and their blazing speed. Immediately the Bulls experienced a familiar problem; their defense did not bother showing up to the practice. “It is okay I can do this.” Goaltender John Poremba said to reassure as Orange Slice star Nico Wilson scored a hat trick in the first two and a half minutes and celebrated with an impromptu Fortnite dance on center ice.

 

This was the story of the game as the Orange Slices skated circles around the pathetic Bulls team that was desperate to keep their jobs. The only real excitement happened halfway through the game when a frustrated player collided with 4’4 Toby Smith and sent him flying 20 feet face first into the boards. At that point all of the dads in attendance stormed onto the ice and beat up the entire Houston Bulls team within an inch of their lives.

 

The final score of the game was 17-1 for the Orange Slices with Houston’s lone goal coming from Poremba’s dump pass that went into the empty Orange Slice net as goaltender Kai Young was too busy flirting with all of the girls behind his net.

 

The decision was made! The Houston Bulls were to be unemployed with each player applying at the near by Burger King for a job. Effective immediately the Gulfton Orange Slices were to be the VHLMs newest team, removing the Houston Bulls from the league

 

(League officials have refused Sonnet’s application for the relocation of the team and told her to ‘suck it up’ and to ‘enjoy the rebuild.’ with the current and disgraced roster.)

 

-Duke McCart, The Houston Hustler

 

-665 Words