Erin Esurance Junior Review

[Sljppers 23]

     Her career didn’t start on skates, or on the ice. Hardly even within the realm of athletics, infact. Hot to the scene on the back of a featherweight contract in a ring of heavyweight goliaths, born in the spring of the Bay Area in San Francisco, California, Erin made her first mark. From 2004, she would don the visage of a pink haired spy as the company spokesperson for an, at the time, relatively unknown auto insurer. With a scant bit of steam behind her, her polling numbers priming her tumult, she tore through the circuits of the media maelstrom, punishing viewers for even briefly forgetting her name in an unapologetic black catsuit. 

 

     But her meteoric catapult had an arc of finality. Erin took the hot embers of fame into her hands on very thin ice. She’d be born of a demographic targeting campaign, after all, targeted to men from 18-24, and there are really only two things that appeal to them universally. The scandal was plastered across the net, reaching a budding internet community at record pace. Her audacious lascivious actions cost her dearly; and being a pedantic little vixen hardly sold insurance anyway. Her work slowed down, though she managed to retain some slots, some tandem projects with people like Kim Possible, her old workmates, and Dennis Quaid. But her days were numbered. Her contract was pulled, and she was discarded from the now widely publicized company like cup winning memorabilia for the losing team. She did the rounds on the net, taking part of whatever jobs may come her way for the last few years, the vibrant lustre of her crisp young eyes dulled and distorted by her time being passed around on the internet.

 

     But there was light. A way not out, but in redemption. Certainly, what was done could never be undone, but there was no trial on this vast, endless sea of opportunity that could not at least be met and acceded to. Hell, she has been a spy, fought an incredible amount of crime, monsters, she owned a motorcycle, had gone surfing, snowboarding, playing basketball even.. Well, playing hockey against robots! 

 

     With all of that experience under her belt, and the curves of, if not the personality of a paperclip, she found a sparkling gem of an opportunity. She was decent for a rookie on skates, and could handle a puck as that was all that was ever asked of her. But beyond that she had no skills of mention whatsoever before being picked up from her home in the States to the land of Tim Hortons, Maple Leaves, and communist Healthcare. She aims to be an integral part of lines for the Mississauga Hounds; proving to the Coaches and to herself that the random beaten dog of a meme they found lying in the gutter could in fact become a shining beacon of triumph in the face of immeasurable obscurity and nostalgia, not to mention the shambles of a roster left on the team, but at least she’s had experience playing with bots before. At least she gets time on the ice. But the road up is steep and slippery; who knows if she’ll be able to keep up the pace of training without tripping and backsliding into Rule 34? Perhaps together, we shall soon find out.

 

“Accipite pretium. Emptio. Fac esse duplicatam.”

 

I definitely don't know how to add pictures into the article on this forum.

Edited November 28, 2020 by Sljppers