How to cook/draft a Tater Tot

[Trunkxolotl 150]

The Tater Tot Draft and Cooking Process

 

For this recipe you will need:

• 2 pounds of russet potatoes, peeled
• 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 Oddly named player with a face meant to stop pucks
• 1 set of hand me down goalie equipment
• 1 year of free time thanks to a plague
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• 2 tablespoons of chopped fresh parsley leaves

 

Step 1: Gather your ingredients.

Before bursting onto the scene in the VHLM, Tater Tot's greatest claim to fame was of course his odd and obscure name. Born Tanner Tottingham, Double T as his mother called him only recently legally changed his name to the one currently sported on the back of his jersey after an odd encounter in a video game. Trapped within quarantine, like many teenagers his age Tanner turned towards the newly released Animal Crossing game to kill time until the most recent plague was over. It was in this game that one of his favorite villagers first suggested the nickname "Tater Tot". From the one villager, it quickly spread like a wild fire across the carefully crafted and gardened town, until the person formerly known as Tanner Tottingham was no more... and only Tater Tot remained. Fast forward a few months, since plagues have an awful habit of sticking around like in-laws after dinner, and Tater Tot was browsing  youtube, watching a video of one of his favorite hockey youtubers, when the topic of the VHL was brought up and suddenly it was like the oven light went on. Everything became so clear, as Tater Tot finally had a purpose. Digging out his old goalie equipment, he joined the league after completing a mandatory 14 day quarantine, and waiting for the offers from needing teams to pile in!

 

Step 2: Parboil potatoes, drain water and shred using box grater

And boy did they pour in! Well not really, upon arrival Tater Tot was greeted by an already over-saturated goalie market, but from the few offers he did receive the easiest choice was joining the Minnesota Storm organization, with the prospect of learning under a GM and AGM who both had played goalie themselves in the past. Tater had found the Obi-Wan and Anakin to his Ahsoka. Despite showing up midseason, Tater shone brightly early on, proving to be a brickwall in relief, and even in a few protected starts, proving to be the perfect back up for their starter, a fellow with an equally odd name, Hi Hello. However, with the team heading towards basement of the standings, Tater was approached by his GM's and handed an army hat and was informed Hello had been traded. He was their new starter and tank commander. Being the last line of defense, Tater held the fort the best he could, always trying his best to cheer up teammates after losses, or partying super hard after wins. Despite the team finishing 2nd last in the league, Tater managed a somewhat respectable .888 save percentage in a healthy 46 games. With the season over, Double T's eyes turned to the draft.

 

Step 3: Transfer to bowl, toss in flour and season to spice preference before forming the potatoes into tots

Being eligible for two drafts meant double the draft interviews, a nerve racking task that Tater seemed to relish in. If anything, he enjoyed the process, seeing the different ways GM's would conduct their interviews and the questions that seemed unique to them. It only seemed to continue the hype the young goalie felt as he started to near the first draft, increasing his drive and motivation to thrive within the league. Until finally it was draft day, and Tater Tot realized something he found out when he first joined the league. Holy heck there was a lot of goalies in this draft. Listening to the commentators talk about goalies slipping, and even hearing his name brought up in particular didn't help with draft day nerves, but as things reached the middle of the third round, and Tater saw Vancouver's pick he had a gut feeling it might finally be his time. Sure, it may of had to do with the fact the Wolves told him they had interested in drafting him, but that doesn't make as good as a story. Finally with the 42nd overall pick, Vancouver selected Tater Tot, and the young goalie let out a sight of relief. Until he remembered he had to do it again. The second time around was slightly easier on his nerves, especially after assurances from the Minnesota GM that they had every intention of trying to bring him back. The draft did start off with a bang however, as Tot got to witness draft day shenanigans live, as Houston traded for nearly half of the first round, though after that things his a lull. As the draft reached the 5th round, Tot's nerves were back on edge as he waited to find out who would select him- seeing the three picks his former team held in the round helped calm him slightly, but nothing released that tension like seeing his name drafted by Minnesota 53rd overall. With the draft spectacle and stress in the rear-view mirror, Tater knew it was time to put his pads on and get back to work. He had two teams now to show that he wasn't a waste of a pick.

 

Step 4: Preheat vegetable oil filled skillet

Coming out of the draft, Tater hit the gym hard and began working closely with his goalie coaches, making sure he improved in the right areas and never skipped leg day. He made sure to show up to training camp with an attitude that showed he was serious about his growth as a player, while also trying to take the time to get to know his new teammates, the closest being Henry Tucker, who coincidentally was also drafted by both Minnesota and Vancouver. The two are often seen pushing each other, each wanting to see the other succeed equally to reach their final goal of reaching the big leagues and playing for Vancouver- though Henry was on a lot faster track to reach that plateau. For Tater, the over-saturated goalie market once again would rear its ugly head, leaving the promising young goalie with an uphill battle. Instead of letting the others that may be above him worry Tater, he instead focused on bettering himself, and on his team where he has grown into not just a prominent part of the locker room, but seen as a leader as well when he was voted to be an Assistant Captain by his fellow teammates.

 

Step 5: Toss the tots into the skillet, cook until golden and crispy.

With training camp over, it was time to put the work he did in the off-season and training camp to the test, and Minnesota came out of the gate like a Mentos fueled coke bottle rocket towards the top of the league. Told he would be splitting time, Tater made it his first goal of the season to take back his starting position and seems to have accomplished as much- at the very least he seems to be given the tougher of starts against the top teams. Though Tater doesn't see the other member of the Minnesota tandem as competition, and instead encourages the other net-minder, trying to push each other and subsequently the team to new heights! At the time of this recipe/article Tater sports a 10-3-3 record with a .891 save percentage and 2.91 GAA, and most incredibly... two assists!

 

Step 6: Remove tots from oil, let cool and serve.

While the season is young, Tater Tot has quite a few goals set for himself- each more loft than the last. The two that most seem within reach is climbing over the .900 save percentage plateau, at least one shutout and getting his GAA below 2.50, while preparing himself and his team mentally for what will hopefully be a deep playoff run. While of course individual statistics and goals are important, mostly Tater Tot is hoping to help bring a championship to his team, and to Obi-Wan and Anakin, his GM and AGM who not only welcomed him into this league, but have helped him every step of the way. Looking past this season, the young goalie looks to continue his seemingly exponential climb in talent, and has set himself the lofty goal of at least hoping to challenge for the back up position in Vancouver in S77. Only time will tell where this delicious, well seasoned potato goalie will wind up in VHL history.

 

Notes: If you have leftovers, transfer cooled tater tots into an air tight container. Cover container in the ice shavings from players who think it's still mature to snow the opposing goalie. Lasts for up to one month. To reheat, preheat over to 400 degrees F and bake until heated through, about 15-17 minutes.

 

[Trunkxolotl 150]

Claiming 1/3!

[NSG 495]

Very nice article! Nice to hear that Henry is pushing a boiled potato to do better

 

Keep it up, that was a great article, and hopefully I’ll see you in Vancouver!

[Trunkxolotl 150]

Thanks Tucker!

Edited February 8, 2021 by Trunkxolotl
whoops

[Trunkxolotl 150]

Claiming 2/3!

[Trunkxolotl 150]

3/3! Claiming!