marshall_222

Doubligne Leaves for Toronto, Adopts 30 Cats, Abandons Them

The VHL Entry Draft concluded this week with the shocker of the draft being the selection of Anthony Doubligne Penis by somebody. But before leaving Oslo hopefully forever Anthony had one more dickish move in his toolbox. After purchasing plane tickets to Toronto, Anthony went to an Oslo area pet adoption center and adopted 30 different cats and kittens. The staff at the time rejoiced at this incredible act of generosity, not knowing that Anthony’s nature requires him to cause torment to all living creatures around him. Immediately after loading up all 30 cats in his VW Beetle he proceeded to drive around Oslo dropping them off near crowded intersections while presumably smoking illegal drugs. His actions were describe as “totally hilarious” and “literally the funniest thing he has ever done” by Doubligne. Reporters also noticed he had tattooed “#hahayolo420blazeit” across his arms and had a full mural of Chad Kroeger done on his back.

Did you know that Anthony Doubligne is actually French for "Worlds Biggest Dickhead"?

Me too.

Fuck da police.

I would like 1 TPE please.

Remember kids, even if you only get 4 points in 20 games you're still a first line prospect. SUCK IT.

the "Fuck Zero"... because fuck that guy?

We got a spot for you too Stamkos, the initiation is pretty easy. You have to cyber-bully Zero.

Can we start our own VHLM team and play whoever the fuck we want because we do whatever the fuck we want?

 You mixed up penis with team, but I'll forgive you.

that's why we gotta be on the same team, I am easily confused

Good job.

Be on my team please

Defensive Players Highlight Top End of VHLM Dispersal Draft

With the VHLM Dispersal Draft occurring in the very near future, hype is at an all-time high. Several VHLM teams have loaded up heavily on S38 picks with the intention of constructing a contender for the upcoming season. The top end of the draft is a skilled group and headlined by two defenceman and a goaltender who are all contenders for the #1 pick. With that being said let’s take a look at those players and why they should or shouldn’t be the first overall pick.

Defenceman: Dimothensis Vlasis

Why should he go #1?: Vlasis is the best skater in the draft and in the conversation for the best skater in the VHLM. His speed and ability to get up the ice make him a danger joining the rush and he can make an impression on any game simply based on his raw speed. Vlasis knows his way around his own zone and shows a lot of promise to develop into a shut-down defenceman. Vlasis is a solid bet to become a franchise VHLM defenceman and looks to be a first rounder for a VHL team down the road.

Why shouldn’t he go #1?: Although Vlasis has the expectation and ability to generate offence, there are some questions surrounding his ability to consistently put up points. Some scouts suggest that Vlasis has a lot of flashy tools yet the actual result he has on a game is negligible, a case of the whole equaling less than the sum of the parts. Vlasis is also slightly underside for a defenceman, standing at 6’2. Will this diminish his ability to develop into a #1 VHLM defender? Probably not, but there may be a safer bet out there.

Goaltender: Kimmo Salo

Why should he go #1?: Simply put, Salo is the best goaltender in the draft and has already developed into a #1 VHLM goaltender. Whoever takes Salo will be set in goal for the year and have a netminder with the ability to steal games on a nightly basis. Salo gives any team a franchise goalie and a GM peace of mind for the remainder of the season as they will know they’ll never have to worry about the man within the crease.

Why shouldn’t he go #1?: There is no arguing Salo’s talent, when he plays he does well. The problem is any team taking Salo is likely looking at only keeping him for one season. His natural ability and work ethic will very likely result in him outgrowing the VHLM by the end of the season and seeing time in a VHL crease next year. This combined with the fact that there are always goaltenders looking for work in the VHLM may mean that factors outside of Salo’s ability will see him fall from the #1 spot come draft day.

Defenceman:  Vojzek Svoboda

Why should he go #1?: Svoboda is somewhat of a wild card in the VHLM draft as he is an extremely raw prospect but scouts figure he has the highest upside in the entire draft. That’s where the appeal is with Svoboda, raw potential. Svoboda comes from a player agent with an extensive track record of developing franchise type players and it is expected Svoboda will follow that same path. Nobody will argue that Svoboda is the most developed player in the draft but you will find many scouts willing to bet the house that he’ll turn out to be the best of the bunch.

Why shouldn’t he go #1?: Svoboda’s game can be summed up in one word, raw. He isn’t a great skater and currently struggles in the defensive zone, this combined with this inability to generate much offence at this point in time make him a hard sell for first. Although his potential is unquestioned, how long is a GM willing to wait for Svoboda to find his game?

you might be lucky to be a 3rd rounder imo

It's not adorable, it is real and very fierce. Did you know PAD actually supported Kony?

Penis Anthony Doubligne Refuses Donuts, Friendship from Galbraith

The Oslo Storm were supposedly a tight group during the season, with no teammates supposedly hating the other. This positive vision around the team is now confirmed false, as teammates Ashton Galbraith and Penis Another Doubligne, or “Stupid Asshole” as he’s been called by his mother, are reportedly sworn enemies after Doubligne dickishly refused Galbraiths friendship. The incident resulting in this feud was initiated by Stupid Asshole as he called up the commissioner of the VHL in an attempt to suspend Galbraith for “not passing the puck enough” though sources suspect Stupid Asshole was simply jealous of Galbraiths good looks and ability to tell his left from his right on only the second try. Galbraith, hearing about this incident, extended a peace offering to Stupid Asshole in the form of delicious Tim Hortons donuts and coffee… an offer that was summarily rejected by Stupid Asshole, likely because he was too busy eating the meat of the endangered African Black Rhino to bother with donuts. When reached for comment Stupid Asshole was unable to provide one as he was stuffing his face with McDonalds in front of a homeless man… he was also wearing a shirt saying “Support Cancer”, all in all he’s a bad guy.

This salad though, hilarious

4

Ashton Galbraith - 1 TPE pls

I'll throw in a couple coffee's too but only because i'm cleaning up at roll-up

Change your name to Anthony Penis Donut and maybe i'll send some your way

I'm confused guys.

I donut follow

You have my attention. What do you want?

just wanted to say hey and ask if Penis Doublique is French

Then pay attention to me

You'll have to specify which one, we've bred at least 222.

Honestly they all deserve a ban... i've been purposely not passing the puck to try and get someones attention on my team, you know how like in grade 1 you pull a girls hair? Like that. I'm too shy to make the first move.

Worst VHLM seasons ever? #2in20

Mike Eurzione - TEAM USA

Whatta babe

Galbraith Hopes to Return to Oslo

With the Oslo locker room now long cleared out and rink empty, many of the players have things other than coming back to Oslo. However, for one such player a return to Oslo is forefront in their mind. “I know I didn’t have a strong year there, but I enjoyed the atmosphere around the team and think there’s a lot of potential there in the future,” rookie Ashton Galbraith explained “the GM seems to know what they’re doing and if we get a couple of our guys returning from last year I think we’re poised to make the play-offs… maybe do some damage there.” While Galbraith expressed his desire to return to Oslo he also pointed out he’d be more than happy going elsewhere. “I’ve talked to another couple of managers pretty informally,” Galbraith said “they were just kind of kicking the tires, seeing if I would be happy there, what kind of player I was… things like that. It doesn’t really matter where I end up to be honest, I don’t plan on raising a stink.”