Earning Pressure

[LefLop 45]

Weeekly Earning

 

So I've been pretty angry in sim leagues recently. You would think that wouldn't be the case. In one league, the team I just founded I won the ring in my first year of regression, on the team I founded, with my protege GM leading the way, and myself winning the finals MVP. In another league, I'm back again for my 3rd year of regression, barely hanging on, trying to win a title with Kelsier in what is most likely my last hurrah. In another league, I just won the title, with Kelsier, with one of my favorite users in Ng4 being my gm, after 3 attempts. In another league, I did some cap magic and kept most of my players (sorry McWolf), and we're on our way to being a real contender. 

 

Of course, that doesn't mean it didn't take a toll elsewhere. In one of our biggest games of the season for another league, I completely didn't do any scouting, and we lost. Our playoff fate now lies in the hands of our rivals, who are down 2 runs in the final inning. I have no idea if we'll make it, and my lack of scouting this season for the team has really hurt our offensive performance. In the VHL, I totally checked out and forgot that I had signed up for fantasy, and totally ghosted a group. Sorry again. in another league, I just didn't have time to do any earning, and didn't even update. 

 

More importantly, people have commented that I seem unhappy - especially in certain leagues. Well, maybe not the league that I just won the titles in, but in some others. I think I have a good idea why.

 

I've been talking to people about my gaming habits recently. I've totally given up on games with time pressure. I used to love playing gachas and game with stamina systems, as well as games with hourly dungeons and quests. I'm not about that life anymore. I found that those games have a hold of me - they enforce time pressure on me - they were literally controlling parts of my life. Sim leagues are starting to feel like there is some time pressure on me as well. Every week, I need to check in and earn. Regardless of how my life is going, inside or outside of leagues, there's stuff going on. Playoffs, offseasons, player drama, sim league drama. They are all chasing after me for something - it's like we've gone into a hyperdrive of the attention economy.

 

I normally do a weekly meditation session. Lately, I've found myself not looking forward to them. I don't want to take the time to empty my mind - there's always something /next/ that needs more attention. At work, with things seemingly reopening up - we are in super scramble mode. I still haven't done my taxes, and this is the first time I'll have to file taxes with stock stuff - I keep putting it off. Someone found a discord pokemon bot, and now I want to be the very best. My player name there is bee drill and i'm already trying to breed a passible (2 IV perfect + nature) Weedle. 

 

Part of this is just who I am and how I'm wired. I know I'm angry because my wiring pushes me to do all of these things, and I'm upset because there's something really wrong with how i'm living my life right now, but I'm not able to identify it. So I'm ok with "turning heel" in other leagues, because if I can't figure out whats wrong, maybe I'll just change and try new approaches to leagues and relationships and something will break and then hopefully things will get better.

 

until then, another weekly point earning task down. now to rotate through the other leagues and make sure i'm doing my job.