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Kowalski Finally Hits the Ice


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Kowalski Finally Hits the Ice



NEW YORK - After receiving the banhammer from the NFL, VHL hopeful Jack Kowalski finally was able to hit the ice for the first time Sunday evening. And hit the ice he did... again and again and again. Yes, before any lessons of hockey fundamentals or skills can be taught, the former football star must first learn to become a proficient skater, which is proving to be no short task.


"It's been... challenging," says legendary VHL defenseman Ryan Sullivan. "It's a good thing we've got so much time to get Jack ready because skating definitely isn't his thing yet."


While it is true that many expected Kowalski to struggle with skating, they were correct with another assumption: he's already allegedly been in a fight.




"Someone must have thought it would've been hilarious to make fun of Jack as he struggled to skate," said Doomsday Agency representative John Gordon. "Last I saw him, they were getting him off the ice with a forklift."


For some odd reason, there are no witnesses to the altercation, for none of the 48 other attendees of the open skate night seem to recall a massive 6'5 guy pounding on an overweight, balding slam poet from the Bronx.

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