New year, time to get something off my chest (Trigger Warning)(just in case)

[UnknownMinion 728]

so im sure alot of you know me as a happy face around the league, I really alot like that in person too, normally but not lately. so I thought I would say this stuff I just need to, I think it may help me truely understand what is happening, once again its nots happy or anything.

 

When I was about seven I moved from my old town to where I am now when I got here everyone bullied me, I couldn't make friends, I couldn't leave my house on my own because it was that bad, it got better with time but its still a thing I deal with as anybody else, I use to get pushed in snow, sat own, made fun of for my speech impediment, it made me mate my face, my voice, myself. I started getting angry with everyone and everything I was a really bad person to be around, I became what I hated a bully. so I went to therapy, this is were I was told about my ADHD and things like that, by this point I was in grade six, life was rough but good. so life said fuck that, my dad would go to prison for assault that spring, at this time my day was my world, I cried for days and smiled at school though the hardest pain in my life, I was still in therpy but I also joined a program called strive which its meant for helping students with this stuff, by the fall of grade eight, I was free (I thought) I left therapy and felt great,  their was something I started to see but It didn't mean anything yet I was really good with talking to new people or people one on one at the time no big deal I still had my best friend, who left the summer beteewn grade seven and eight this broke me really bad again but I stayed strong, I told myself I was okay, grade eight started and nobody in the school would talk to me at all, it wasn't normal, I found out shortly before covid somebody started spreading a bad rumour about me, I was alone.

 

covid would hit that month and I would return to that school instead I started grade nine, grade nine was bad not just with covid, that was the year I was told by my doctor I need help again, I have social anxiety, I cant even really order food or go shopping with out having an attack schools is rough too but I just but a smile on. my day also got out of prison that year but i chose not to speaking to him as i belive he is unhealth for me, he does heavy drugs and is crazy. fallowing grade nine I was in a dark place but somebody who I love even now pulled me out of it, she was their for me helped me, cared for me. then like everyone else, left me, she moved to the other side of canada, and I was once more in a dark place, my anxiety getting worse and worse, I always feel alone, I fight with my family a lot, I fell left, unliked, and just sad all the time, I try so hard to smile everyday but it gets harded and harded, I feel worse and more left out every day like nobody gets me, The VHL is honest what I spend all my time on now, It make me happy.  I need to figure out whats next and I think this is first, no Im not leaving I need this place more then anything, I dont feel alone here. but I do need a next step and I dont know what that is, I think its talking about it and accepting its their, but I dont know if I can do more therapy, I dont know just typing this made me realize how little I know about myself I put everyone else before me, maybe I don't know who I am again (IDK)
But thanks for reading this, it felt great just typing this. this is me under my shell I keep locked.

[diacope 1,696]

Everybody has shit that happens in their everyday life, you are not alone buddy. Just keep being you because you've made me smile whenever you chat and I need that to keep going sometimes myself

 

Take it one day at a time and enjoy life, your very young dude! Tons of experiences and stuff down the road, just stay positive no matter what

 

[Ledge 1,131]

Minion, you're a fantastic, strong person. It takes a lot of courage to confide in us something like this, and just know that we in the VHL accept you for who you are. I'm sorry for all the shit that's happened in your life, but I know you can get through it. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.

[KaleebtheMighty 1,509]

Since we were chatting a bit last night, you've got so much ahead of you! Everyone has storms in their lives, sometimes longer than you would want to go through. But there's always good things on the other side, trust me