Seymour Butts is a lifestyle

[fonziGG 1,068]

I look at everyone's lifestyle and I think, nobody is living their life as they should be. Have you seen these old geezers in the VHL? Those semi-retired bums are just smoking weed and farting all day on the ice. Not even protein farts for that matter. Just regular, boring, not as stinking farts bro. Do you know how much that grinds my gears? Enough for me to mention something about it. These dudes are just coasting day to day, playing hockey on a mediocre level. And me? I'm living my life on a ranch in Illinois, I have a god damn horse and I play absolutely atrocious hockey. However, my life is an absolute god-tier Stier-level quality of life. I protein fart, eat all the built bars, squad 3 plates daily, and do it all with style. Can I pass the puck well? Fuck no. Can I shoot the puck well? I don't even know how to do a slap shot. What do you think? I know how to skate, fart, and pass the puck (albeit not very well).

 

The trade deadline has passed. Do I have any comments? Hell yes, I do. Were there some blockbusters? Hell yes, there were. Are there teams that got absolutely fleeced out of their minds? Absolutely. Am I going to reference it? Absolutely not. Do you know why? Because I'm a lazy idiot. If you asked me to squat a plate, I could do it. Get you a couple of links of some fleeces in the VHL? No. Leave me the hell alone. You figure it out, you bum.