The VHL When I'll Be 15

[mediocrepony 1,216]

As I log onto the forum after a school-induced hiatus, just after my fifteenth birthday, around a year and a half from now, I see everything has changed. Flying cars whiz from city to city, from training facility to arena, from forum to portal. Players spend their time practicing their hybrid Michigan/Kucherov stat in hopes of making the highlight reel in the first ever season that you can literally watch the games with holographic games broadcasted on the official VHLTwitch account, which has thousands of subscribers. Historical stars are all but forgotten, with brand new faces shining across the virtual billboards advertising the newest 4D trading card or press conference with the President. Talks are being held about expanding into the VHLSouthAmerica, after the seven new leagues already created in the past year and a half. The portal is now a literal portal, transporting the youngest of players in the VHLBabies and the oldest of players in the VHLSeniors to their cribs and retirement homes from rest after a long hard day of training their spatial awareness/peripheral vision stat and of contract negotiation for real money benefits along with the tens of millions of dollars now being spent to attract the best young and old talent.

 

The VHLKidz has just dropped, with three leagues for each level of young hopeful, including the previously mentioned VHLBabies, and including the VHLToddlers and the VHLPre-Teens, all of whom's creation were spearheaded by new parents looking to get their young-un's started from an early age to get every possible baby step up against the competition. Players such as IJsdqjlkmmada MIFhaklsna139 lead the league in the VHLB, while in the VHLP-T  AmongUs SussyImpostor sets new records for hits, penalty minutes and ejections each and every season. In VHLKidz, to simulate development, depreciation is reversed and players have their finest years in the final days of their careers, before finally graduating to the VHLM after 12 seasons of hard work and naptimes. The VHLT, the barely noticed middle-child of the VHLK is merely a pitstop for young hopefuls who seek to get out of there as soon as possible, throwing temper tantrums after they don't score or even get one measly point in games dominated by goaltenders such as Fuzzie Bear and ROARRR Trex.

 

With the new money pouring in from live games, the chat feature makes a reappearance, leading to about 10 old-timers being really happy for a little while, basking in their glorious victory, until they realize they need to get onto their 10-slide PowerPoint presentation for 2 TPE about how great it is that the chat feature is back. With the influx of new stats such as the aforementioned Michigan/Kucherov and the spatial awareness/peripheral vision stat, the new cap limit is 24, leading to twice the amount of time being spent creating things for the sole purpose of internet points for a hockey player weekly. I gather all of this information just from checking the now-20 long list of status updates.

 

Confusion and excitement spread through my mind, igniting seemingly endless possibilities, but then just as quickly I realize all of this stuff will likely be more confusing than claiming TPE in the SHL.

 

535 words, 3,217 characters.

I might revisit this topic and add more to it next week because i found it fun to write haha

[der meister 3,248]

Well this was a tremendous exercise in creativity at the very least. Obligatory "in b4 someone names their next player ROARRRR Trex." I love how chaotic this is, honestly. A wild ride of a media piece, I particularly liked the idea of all of the different development leagues, feeding off of the vicarious life that some sports parents foist upon their offspring. It's funny to try to grade this grammatically, as a lot of words are intentionally misspelled for the purposes of humor and exaggeration. Overall, I really enjoyed this piece and kind of hope you continue it next week haha. 10/10