WompX5 Press Conference

[AdamEss 58]

Womp Womp Womp Womp Womp Jr. stand atop the stage, facing the press from behind the podium. The defenseman came onto the scene halfway through last season, joined the Las Vegas Aces, and helped them to the VHLM trophy. He then joined the Brigade in the Juniors prospect and has currently helped them to the Semi-Finals where they currently lead the Warriors 3-0. Womp has 1 goal and 2 assists in those three games.

 

 

Womp: Allright, I'm here for your questions. You there with the bald spot.

 

BS: Womp, have you been receiving scouting attention so far?

 

Womp: Of course I have, but I know your real question. Which teams. Well, let's say I had to remind one team their place in the world.  Some VHLM and VHL teams have reached out to start a dialogue, which is nice.  VHLE is a no show, though. I guess that makes sense. As a billion dollar organization you want your worst leaders in the middle. That's all you get, though. I'm not writing your draft articles for you. Moving on, you with the red hat .. lemme see what that hat says? Oh, okay it's not that thing. Anyway, red hat. Whatchu got?

 

RH: Womp, you've easily led the Juniors tournament in PIMs. How does that affect you?

 

Womp chuckles.

 

Womp: Gives me a warm feeling inside. I've told everyone already. You mess with me, I hit ya. You mess with my team, I hit ya, You step on my ice, I hit ya. These guidelines aren't exactly rocket surgery. I'm here to play defense and drop bodies all over the ice. No fancy bullshit. No trying to be that sneak secret weapon goal scorer. I'm a defender I defend. Unless my goalie is a prick in which case ... ehh we'll see how it goes. Goalies are a dime a dozen in this sport and they're usually divas for some reason. imagine being arrogant about being the most replaceable person on the ice. Sure, you get an absolute banger of a tendie in there, like my Brigade teammate Alex Minion, and it makes sense. But for the most part? It's like Joey Fatone getting uppity about being in the Backstreet Boys. No one came here to see you. So to loop back around to your question, yeah I'm gonna get a lot of penalties. If I retire with the records for PIM and fights won, I'll be happy. And drunk but that one''s gonna go down regardless. Next up. You over there with the dyed green mustache. Gotta admit, I did not expect that to look as good as it does.

 

DGM: In your career are you looking to move around or stay in one place?

 

Womp: Do you work in every front office in sports? This is totally the "are you gonna leave me" question. Everyone asks it. Then so do their assistants. Then the local media. then the fans. The  person selling hot dogs. The mascot. Really, all y'all could stand to let that one breathe a little. I'm a professional athlete with my own plans. If you want a guaranteed committed relationship, get a dog. All right, I'm being told that's my time. You're welcome. I can't wait to give your city something to root for or a reason to cry. Womp out.

 

He exits the stage without any further pause, even as a few reporters try to get his attention.