The Keita Kourou revenge tour

[woog 55]

Good evening Americans. 

It is a long time since I, Keita Kourou, have written to you. There are reasons. First, my user was warned by mods not to make fun of how people who don't speak in English much speak in English. That is fixed by two seasons in language school in Miami, whenever I have time away from hockey. Second, I learned I could make my agent speak for me. Praise to agents everywhere for speaking so hockey fans don't have to listen to what hockey players say.
What hockey players say is boring. That is to say - what hockey players say to media is boring. Boring simple sentences saying the same thing over and over, saying nothing. 

"We dig deep."

"We just didn't find that extra gear today."

"I guess the other team just wanted it more."

"Today wasn't our day, I guess."

 

All this hockey speak is doo doo for saying anything with meaning. But fortunately for Keita Kourou, simple repetitive words were very very good for language learning. But the boring words hockey people say in front of microphones were only my first teacher. Praise to the honest words we speak in the locker room and the weight room are better words. 

 

And so my first writing to you Americans in this season is to say thank you for making me better at English, to say thank you for making me better at hockey. And I will thank you with the most honest words I can give.

 

First, screw San Diego. 

Second, screw Ottawa.

Third, sincere thanks to the sweet and open-hearted people of Saskatoon.

And last, but not least, praise to all you beautiful people in Miami with your pastel clothes and honest tans, I love you like the sun above Mali loves the sand, I love you like the wind across the Sahel loves whistling over the dunes. You have given this lost boy from Mali a home away from home, opportunity and success at the only dreams I ever had - to be the best hockey player from Mali, ever ever ever.
You are warm people like the Sun on Miami Beach is warm, warmer than San Diego butts are warm from awkwardly pooping rotten ocean fish. Warm like the opposite of Ottawa people with icicles impaling their souls. To you, Miami, I owe my success.

 

Thank you for the opportunity to do what is best in life. As the great American Arnold Conan Schwarzennegger said, that is: "To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women." San Diego gave up on me, Ottawa gave up on me. I will drive their peoples before me and hear the lamentations of their women. (Little side note: have you heard the singer Alanis Morissette from Ottawa? Always lamenting. Ottawa is made for lamenting.) I will also hear lamentations of men. This is not a guy/girl thing. Conan was not set in modern times, even if his message rings true today.

This season of hockey comes near to its end. We are better than San Diego fish people in the standings. So no more talk of fish people. We Miami Marauders must maraud more to hear Ottawa lamentations. With Swinsola and Jim B, we have so much power. We will dig deep, find an extra gear, and want it more. Today is our day. We maraud. A good verb for revenge.

Edited March 1, 2023 by woog
dialling back the language a little

[Triller 1,420]

Winning the Founders Cup in San Diego was awesome!

[nurx 914]

MIAMIIIIIIIII