Keegan Gamble - FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY

[Keegan Gamble 73]

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to regale you with the incredible tale of my life as Keegan Gamble, the hockey player who was FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONEY and FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY from a growth spurt and ended up measuring in at a MASSIVE 5 feet 5 inches.

 

Yes, you read that right. In a sport where giants reign supreme, I was the exception, the one player who was nowhere near a giant, but rather closer to a dwarf. Picture this: a hockey rink in Cologne, where giants roamed, and then there was me, Keegan, the pint-sized player on the Cologne Express. They called me "Midget, "A 18-year-old in a 12-year-olds body "," and sometimes, they just called me “Short stuff" I've often wondered if God had a good laugh when he made me so vertically challenged.

 

You might think that I didn't try to grow taller. Oh, I tried. I stretched, I drank my milk, and I even hung from monkey bars, hoping I'd wake up one day with a couple more inches to my name. But no, fate had other ideas, and those ideas involved me staying closer to the ice than most players' sticks. My teammates never missed an opportunity to tease me, but it was all in good fun.

 

They knew that despite my stature, I was a force to be reckoned with on the ice. I had the heart of a lion and a slapshot that could put a hole in a battleship, I'm kidding, I couldn't slapshot to save my life  . If I had a dollar for every time someone underestimated me because of my height, I'd be a millionaire by now. But I didn't mind, because proving people wrong was my favorite pastime. BUT GUESS WHAT, just because I played bigger than my size, doesn't mean I didn’t get absolutely DESTROYED in some games. Nobody could care less that I was probably a foot shorter than everyone, I would still get BLOWN UP and it never felt nice either.

 

When I wasn't on the ice, my size became even more apparent. Need something from the top shelf in the locker room? You'd have to fetch it for me. Clothes shopping was a nightmare, I often had to resort to the kids' section, which made me feel like Peter Pan in search of a pair of hockey skates. Dating was a unique challenge too. I would never tell my friends where I got certain things from just to keep myself from being made fun of for the stuff I buy from certain places.

 

When you're 5 feet 5 inches in a world of taller-than-average folks, slow dancing feels more like a waltz with your partner's chest. But hey, sometimes chest level isn’t a bad thing… . I also never let my stature affect my confidence. I'd often quip that I was "vertically challenged but horizontally gifted." And you know what? It worked. My humor and charm won people over, and I dated some fantastic people along the way.

 

One day, a little kid in the stands pointed at me and exclaimed, "Mom, look at that tiny hockey player!" Although in that moment I never had wanted to punt a kid like a football more in my life... I just looked at the kid, smiled and waved. Like I stated before, if I got a penny for every time a young kid called me out for being short, I would be a billionaire!

 

Life can sometimes throw you a curveball, and not the kind you'd expect on the ice. As the years rolled on, my stature took a toll on my body. The constant physical demands of hockey, along with my size, led to a series of injuries that I couldn't overcome. My dreams of making it to the big leagues were dashed, and I had to hang up my skates for good. (This part isn’t true, I just wanted to add it for dramatic affect.

Edited September 15, 2023 by Keegan Gamble