Houston Gossiper #1

[Mutti 190]

Hello there, readers. I hope this article finds you in a great mood! Last days have been so full of news that I cannot possibly cover them all in this release. However, those I can surely won’t disappoint!

 

1.      ONDREJ VENCKO’S INTIMACY EXPOSED??

While all of league has been looking at this Czech goalie through fingers because of his alleged connection to arrested drug dealer, I tried to figure out where does he really get all the energy he shows during practices and during the games.

 

It turns out Houston’s young prospect is in love! He has been spotted numerous times in downtown, Houston, holding hands with a lovely lady, who is, supposedly, also from his home country! Could you believe it? If this continues, we will have a Czech community as big as Chicago has! Truly jaw-dropping! We shouldn’t take a hockey playing inspiration from them, though.

 

And what makes me sure that this young Czech pair is in love? Well, I asked the man, the meth- eh, the myth, the legend Ondrej himself. This is what he had to say:

 

“This girl? That’s my fortune. My secret for my agility. You know, couple of hours of “exercise” per week does the trick!”

 

So, there you have it, folks. Houston’s goalie is indeed under an influence of a drug. But the mightiest drug ever: Love.

 

 

2.     NEW DRUG ON THE BLOCK: IT’S BLUE, DA-BA-DEE-DA-BA-DA

While we’re on the topic of drugs, though, there have been numerous occasions of a new drug in the streets. DEA agents were willing to share only a couple of information on this substance, those being that it is of a light blue colour and leads to its origin are tied with cartels operating in Mexico.

 

This may influence the league’s opinion on Houston Bulls in a positive manner, as now the team has gained somewhat of a bad reputation thanks to speculations about methamphetamine and Bulls’ Czech goalie.

 

Right now, the investigation is still ongoing, with the leading agent saying:

 

“We have a strong lead thanks to our source we won’t specify further.”

 

Well, let’s all hope this affair will get sorted before it can influence a possible play-off run for the Bulls.

 

 

3.     HEAD ON FOR THE NET, HEADSHOT INSTEAD

We could witness an unlikely accident at yesterday’s Bulls’ training.

This training was special, as the town’s mayor Mr. Quimby decided to visit and support the team by giving them motivational speech. It was also, however, a training day, when the Bulls’ goalies decided to practice empty net goals.

 

After a few successful attempts, Vencko decided to give it a shot with a spin beforehand. He didn’t notice the mayor entering the ice, though, and with the spin giving the shot an unwanted direction, it hit Mr. Quimby right in the head.

 

Everyone gathered around the wounded mayor and a medical assistance was called upon the rink right away. The head of Bulls’ medical staff, doc. Bonebreak, told Houston’s Gossiper, that:

 

“Mayor Quimby’s status is stabilised. He only suffered a minor amnesia, when he couldn’t remember the party he candidate for. He was successfully transported to hospital shortly after the incident.”

 

Players aren’t exactly shaken by this event, as Mr. Quimby is known to get into many kinds of trouble. The sniper himself, Ondrej Vencko, refused to comment further on the event, stating that “the puck wanted motivation from the mayor himself too”.

 

Mayor Quimby is expected to leave the hospital in the following days. As a memoir, Bull’s players signed mayor the puck that caused him this hilarious injury.

 

 

Thank you for reading this release of Houston Gossiper! I will see you next week, with more, new and fresh information about hockey and everything surrounding it in the beautiful city of Houston!

 

-        Ben Icio del Torro

 

635 words for week ending 1/21/2024

[Nathan_8 227]

Minor amnesia

[jake 84]

Lmao

[LucyXpher 1,433]

Haha this team is chaos!  This is hilarious, Mutti!