Rip Wheeler Throws Wrench in Saga

[Thunder 757]

Ten games into the VHL season and things are upside down.  Shit is all screwed up.  When I say screwed up, I’m talking about Rip Wheeler, @ScottyP, and Logan Ninefingers, @Scurvy.  Apparently Logan Ninefingers has seven of those nine fingers up his ass.  Ninefingers should be scoring goals, making assists, hitting hard, and blocking shots.  Rip Wheeler should be sucking, barely producing, and maybe blocking a shot or two.

 

Rip Wheeler had a whopping 16 shots block last season, and after only ten games this season he’s already got 9 shots blocked.  Meanwhile, in Vancouver, Logan Ninefingers has blocked the puck only twice in ten games.  But wait, Ninefingers is a heavy hitter, while Rip Wheeler is a big pussy.  Oops, things are backwards again.  Ninefingers has counted for 22 hits this season, while Wheeler has already racked up 34 hits.  My world is in crisis mode.  I should be trashing Wheeler every week and bragging about Ninefingers, instead I’m laying out Ninefingers slow, sad, pathetic performance.  In fact, things are so messed up, I can barely think right now, so I’m gonna finish up and list the other successes of Wheeler before I puke.  Wheeler has 3 goals and 9 assists through ten games, while Ninefingers has 2 goals and 3 assists.

 

Luckily, this anomaly is going to be short lived, so you better do all your shit talking this week at the office while you can Scottyp, because scurvy earns a hell of a lot more TPE each week and his diminished stats are only a small hiccup, and I’ve got a hell of a lot more faith in Ninefingers than in Wheeler.   Hopefully next week, I’ll be able to get back on track and write about how Logan Ninefingers smashed Rip Wheeler’s face.

 

297 words

[Daniel Janser 1,982]

23 minutes ago, Thunder said:

Ninefingers has seven of those nine fingers up his ass

And the other two he is twiddling?

[Scurvy 1,108]

Ninefingers is in concussion protocol     At least that’s my excuse for the shit play.