The Chicago Phoenix and the Golf Course Capers

[Doomsday 4,130]

The Chicago Phoenix and the Golf Course Capers

 

Despite their season coming to an untimely end in Game Seven of the Semi-Finals to the Seattle Bears after erasing a 3-1 series deficit, the Chicago Phoenix nevertheless entered the off-season with high spirits. The core of the team is expected to remain intact, albeit still with room for improvement. Morale in the locker room remains high, as the team universally saw their season as the beginning of their next run, rather than a lost opportunity. 

 

“We have nothing to be ashamed about,” defenseman and alternate captain YaBoi Oven stated following the Game Seven loss. “No one gave us any chance to be here, but we still made it. This team gave everything they had, and left nothing on the ice. But sometimes, your best just isn't enough, and this off-season will be all about making sure that our best will win these games in the future.”

 

 

However, exactly how the players will reach their best potential seems to differ by the player. Oven, for example, having just completed his fifth pro season, has been working on overdrive to maintain his conditioning and skills. Lionel Collberg, on the other hand, has been hitting the golf course in an effort to unwind and refocus over the off-season. While giving your body and mind rest and relaxation is hardly a wasteful way to spend an off-season, there is apparently such a thing as too much golf for YaBoi Oven.

 

“It was a great time on our first outing,” Oven explained. “But the thing is, it never stopped. Pretty much every day he wanted me to meet up early in the morning at a different course, sometimes in another country. I get relaxing, taking a load off, especially after a long, physically demanding season… but this was too much. Lionel's off-season was being dominated by golf.”

 

 

From that point on, Oven was determined to refocus his teammate's attention towards bettering his game over the off-season, and began to attempt to sabotage Collberg's golf outings. First, Oven attempted to disrupt a round of golf by turning on all of the sprinklers on the course. This wound up failing because it turned out to be a rather tepid temperature outside that day, and the prank wound up being refreshing, rather than revolting. His next effort was to toss extra golf balls onto each hole, hoping to confuse and frustrate Lionel. However, this too wound up backfiring due to Collberg simply playing the ball he felt was in the most advantageous location, rather than checking to see if it was the ball he had already played. Instead of directing his teammate back to the weight room, Oven was actually improving Collberg's scores instead. 

 

It was evident more drastic measures would be required. YaBoi next opted for a more explosive approach, replacing all of the golf balls in Lionel's bag with trick balls that exploded after being hit. Collberg proceeded to hit all 24 on the first hole, giggling with delight after each. He then grabbed a ball that had been discarded nearby, then proceeded to play the entire round with the lone ball, taking extra caution not to lose it. While Oven appreciated his focus and commitment to finish the round with a single ball, there was only one thing left to do to get Collberg back at team facilities. Just before Lionel could tee off for his next round, Oven burst out of the tree line on a golf cart and flattened Collberg at top speed, putting a premature end to the round before it even began. 

 

 

Since VHL players have 99 endurance and 99 durability, odds are that Lionel Collberg was never remotely injured, but regardless, he was summoned to the team facilities for rehab, which has gotten him off of the golf course for now, at least. Time will tell if it pays off in the way Oven hopes it will for Lionel Collberg.

 

Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times, the premium purveyor of simulation sports news. He enjoys evenings spent watching baseball, days spent not having to mow the lawn, and the long-awaited return of NCAA Football!