Kazuma Satou Biography

[Spartan 4,530]

 

 

Kazuma Satou, colloquially referred to simply as Kazuma, but also extensively as Kazutrash, Crapuma, Scumzuma, Lowlifezuma, Slimezuma, and even Kazuma-san-who-tried-to-mess-with-Megumin-while-she-was-sleeping (I hope that doesn't count as one word in the word-counter), is a character I have no clue how to properly describe within the realm of hockey. From his life viewpoint, he was a lazy shut-in who was also an avid video game enjoyer. In terms of notable skills, one could fairly notice none. Through some freak accident and the typical tropes of an isekai anime, he managed to get punted into some other universe were he was forced to learn various skills - that in some ways leads him to some mild success in hockey through some alternate route that I can't be assed to connect to the VHL.

 

 

While I truly hoped that @Bea would create the Useless Goddess herself, it was not to be. But I suppose Kazuma Satou was influenced by this useless wench through her total inability to function without doing something utterly stupid. Kazuma had grown to get used to teammate incompetency, therefore furthering his own abilities and skills due to necessity. After meeting Aqua, he was able to confirm his high tier Luck skill, which I suppose is half the game of hockey after all. If Kazuma can tolerate Aqua, surely he can deal with any other teammate one could possibly have.

 

 

Megumin's singular skill to make things go BOOM and Kazuma's continued presence to guide her explosive tendencies must have rubbed off. On the ice, Kazuma already has a handful of power play goals, establishing himself as an explosive goal scorer from the blue line. While I don't think Kazuma ever actually uses any explosion magic in the show, his personality at least can certainly also be considered explosive at times. From freaking out at his teammates to bemoaning his existence, there's always a fun personality spark with Kazuma and an imminent internal explosion waiting to happen.

 

 

Perhaps we'll be cautious with how much Kazuma has learned from Darkness, as a hockey GM would certainly have no interest in a player that can never hit their target - either with their body or with the puck. Fortunately we can say Kazuma's accuracy is perfectly normal! But from Darkness, one who has never been afraid to sacrifice her body in....various ways, Kazuma gets his perfect inspiration as a defenseman. While Kazuma is otherwise fairly cowardly, Darkness has never been afraid to put her life and body on the line to protect her team. Some mild inspiration for Trashuma to be less trash and more of a team player and defensively minded defenseman.

 

Ok I really don't feel like pulling out more characters to give Kazuma experience or a backstory, I think I'm starting to stretch some of those comparisons. One interesting thing to consider are the various skills that Kazuma learned over the course of his explorations and his journey.

 

Intellect - Kazuma has generally developed his intellect skills, and will look to translate his shrewd decision making and strategic thinking skills onto the ice. Defensemen can often help lead an offense on a rush or a breakout and having good intellect to help that process is critical.

 

Thief background - Early on in Kazuma's adventurer life, he was introduced to various thief class skills such as steal, bind and lurk. Stealing of course is nice and important for a defenseman, helping strip the puck from an opponent. Bind is somewhat interesting. While you certainly can't use that skill on the ice and incur a holding penalty, we'll think of it as Kazuma's ability to stick to opponents and prevent chances. Lurk was amusing simply because it reminded me more of a safety in the NFL, you have a defenseman lurking to lay a big check or force a turnover when you least expect it.

 

Archer skills - While I don't recall any of Kazuma's utilization of a bow and arrow, he apparently has some sniping and foresight skills which are relatively obvious for how they translate into the game of hockey.

 

All of these various skills amongst many others have somehow brought Kazuma to the sport of hockey, where he decided that being simply proficient with a one-handed weapon was insufficient, needing to be proficient with the two-handed weapon called a hockey stick. Surely we won't see Kazuma rack up the penalties because of this desire for knowledge, but that remains to be seen. Once again, I have no clue how to seamlessly remove Kazuma from his current world and bring him into our world with the VHL's existence, but maybe we can say that he died embarrassingly again and ended up forced to play hockey for his survival. I'm not creative enough to make that sort of thing work.

 

Anyways, that's Kazuma and his backstory in a nutshell, it's a good show, check it out!

 

[Triller 1,684]

I recently found out that this is called "weeb" behaviour?  It this an accurate assessment?

[Spartan 4,530]

6 minutes ago, Triller said:

I recently found out that this is called "weeb" behaviour?  It this an accurate assessment?

fake news

[Grape 738]

Buddy will never beat the weeb allegations 

[twists 412]

Cringe