Checking In (possible trigger warning, read at your own behest)

[OblivionWalker 308]

to: pilotguy_123@google.ca
from: skovalenko@google.ca

 

Hey Sergiy.

 

You wanted me to check in with you and that's what I'm doing. I wish I could say that I'm doing better since the last time we spoke, but the truth is? I'm not.

 

Nothing feels like it matters any more. Not hockey, not anything and that fucking terrifies me. I wanted to come to the VHL for so long and worked my ass off to get here and now that I am?

 

I feel nothing. I get up every day, I play my games, I go to practice, and I skate my laps if that's what our gm wants us to do but other than that, I just feel . . . nothing. I'm not even angry anymore. Maybe the one emotion I have left is embarrassment but that's about it.

 

I hate it. I hate having to go out there, feeling like the biggest loser in the world. Being on a rebuilding team is no walk in the park, sure, but I guess I had no idea what it was really going to feel like. This is honestly the loneliest I've ever felt while playing. Even as hard as Alaska was, being away from you and the rest of the family wasn't as hard as this.

 

I feel like I have nobody here and really, I don't. I'm on my own and I'm afraid that if I can't get my shit together sooner rather than later, we might end up with a repeat of my freshman year and I can't allow that to happen again. I've come so far since then but that's how it all started. With not caring about my classes and getting sucked down into a well until I could barely leave my room or even function anymore.

 

I know I don't have to remind you about how bad that was. About how bad things were when I first came back that summer. But I got through it with help and maybe I need to seek out that kind of help for myself again. All I know is, things can't stay like this. Something has to change and since this situation isn't going to (possibly for longer than I even want to contemplate), I have to figure out how to either live with it or else not care about it in a way that isn't going to be . . . self-destructive. Maybe now is a good time to take those painting classes I've always been talking about. Or maybe I should take up the piano again. Maybe I can fill my time with finding rare and first editions of whatever Brandon Sanderson books I can lay my hands on. But any of that has to be better than this nothing that I feel right now.

 

Try not to worry about me too much. I know there's an issue and I'm going to do my best to make sure that I take care of it the right way. If I need anything, I will tell you. That much, I've learned.

 

Fly safe, and I'll talk to you again soon.

 

Slava

 

(word count: 522)

[Pifferfish 631]

#FreeSlava

[Gaikoku-hito 2,171]

Yes, It is hard being drafted by a re-building team but always hold out hope when the team is in a position to draft a ton of players as they are next season. They should be good in a few years and if not I am sure they will be trading you to a contender if you continue to develop for more assets to aid their rebuild.

 

Also thank you for mentioning Brandon Sanderson since It has been a long time being in the dark not so hockey place of Japan that I have heard his name. Has even finished The stormlight Series yet? As I think I finished book 3 but haven`t seen any more books since!! I have also never read any other series are they any good?

[OblivionWalker 308]

9 minutes ago, Gaikoku-hito said:

Also thank you for mentioning Brandon Sanderson since It has been a long time being in the dark not so hockey place of Japan that I have heard his name. Has even finished The stormlight Series yet? As I think I finished book 3 but haven`t seen any more books since!! I have also never read any other series are they any good?

He has not! Book 5, Wind and Truth, just came out at the end of November and that’s only halfway. he’s got 10 books planned for that series.

 

He is done with arcs 1 and 2 of Mistborn and honestly, i love them. He’s also got some stand alone novels that are really good but he’s my favorite author and I love him. If you haven’t tackled Mistborn yet, I would! Also check out “The Rithmatist”. While technically a YA book, I’ve never read something that original in my life.