What Really Happened to MAL G1???

[tcookie 949]

Last week, MAL G1 played in his eighth game of the season. Though limited to playing against weaker teams, MAL G1 posted a 7-1-0 record and .919 SV% through those eight games. However, earlier this week, the enigmatic netminder was mysteriously ruled out for the rest of the season with a torn ACL and MCL.

 

Nobody knows much about MAL G1. According to VHL legend, they've been between the pipes for the Nighthawks since S66. In their 32nd season, knee injuries have been fairly commonplace. However, while their Malmo teammates clearly respect them, they apparently keep to themselves, even in the locker room. "I think I've said like two words to them since I got to Malmo six years ago," says centre Phillip Rave. "And I didn't get any words back. It's almost like they're a robot or something. Respect, though... they go about their business, stop pucks, go home. Always reliable. What more could you want?"

 

"He's been playing for Malmo since before I was born, since before my own mother was born even," said fellow centre Ronald Johnson MacWallace III. "It's no surprise his knees have given out again, but we are all hoping and waiting for another miraculous recovery."

 

Despite the teammates' respect for MAL G1, an unconfirmed anonymous report suggested that starting goalie Jørgen Løvstrøm may harbour different sentiments. The report suggests that Løvstrøm was overheard leaving the locker room after a disappointing performance against the DC Dragons last week muttering under his breath. Our eavesdropper suggests the dialogue went something like "would've stopped all of those 26 shots against Warsaw ... then I get lit up against DC instead bruh ... <inaudible> bot goalie man I hate him <inaudible> ... Tonya Harding <inaudible> never play again." Løvstrøm then headed for the team bus, kicking over a garbage can on the way.

 

MAL G1 was placed on injured reserve the day after that game against DC. Løvstrøm's agent, however, pushed back against any suggestions of conspiracy or foul play. "Jørgen and his teammates are focused on the important stretch of the season ahead, and don't have time to partake in childish pranks on teammates. It's all business for Løvstrøm from now until the final horn of this season. He and the rest of the Nighthawks I'm sure are looking forward to their comrade healing up and joining them in the practice rink again soon."

 

A few items were reportedly missing from the Malmo equipment room last week, but have since been returned. Unfortunately, with MAL G1's mysterious nature (and presumed ongoing recovery from ACL surgery), we stood no chance of getting a comment from the man himself. And Malmo's equipment manager was playing coy. "Couldn't tell you what was missing. I've been told not to talk to the press under any circumstances, sorry guys. No, I haven't seen Jørgen all week."

 

"I don't know what happened exactly," said star defender Lucy Leitner. "Maybe the MAL G1 blew out his knees because he had to carry us so much against the last place team in the league.  I mean, just compare G1's stats this week to Lovstrom's.  While Jorgen spent half the game flirting with the girl in the front row, MAL G1 was locked in stopping pucks!  I guess his knees just couldn't carry us any further..."

[Banackock 8,220]

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