Warsaw's Greatest Goon - Theme Week

[thadthrasher 1,753]

Everyone knows that teams fluctuate in their standings in the VHL. You may have a team dominating the league in one season and, the very next, be scraping the bottom of the league barrel. This is the typical rhythm for most teams, as they oscillate between dominating the league and being laughed at by the league. It hits every team, and right now, that is the case for the Warsaw Predators. 

 

Since season 94, Warsaw has seen a steady decline in the standings. 

Season 94 - 4th in the European Conference, 7th Overall, with a record of 41W - 25L - 6OTL - 88PTS
Season 95 - 5th in the European Conference, 9th Overall, with a record of 40W - 28L - 4OTL - 84PTS
Season 96 - 5th in the European Conference, 11th Overall, with a record of 26W - 41L - 5OTL - 57PTS 
Season 97 - 8th in the European Conference, 16th Overall, with a record of 11W -56L - 5OTL - 27PTS

For season 98, at 45 games played, the Predators are currently 8th in the European Conference, 15th Overall,
with a record of 11W - 33L - 1OTL - 23 PTS

 

Glancing at the numbers above, it's easy to see why management, players, and, most especially, fans are frustrated. While S94 and S95 were relatively close in numbers, in S96, Warsaw dropped nearly 30 points, and their W/L columns were practically swapped from the year before. Then, in S96, Warsaw dropped another 30 points while losing 15 more games than the prior season, dropping to dead last in both the European Conference and league overall standings. The fall of Warsaw came quickly, unexpected by many, and has left a pretty awful taste in the mouths of fans. That was until Kyle came along.

 

Kyle has been a season ticket holder of the Warsaw Predators all of his life. Of course, it's not because he had the money, but because his parents always bought him the tickets. As Kyle hit his early 20s, just as his parents were about to cut him off, there was a tragic accident that left Kyle inheriting the entire estate of his parents (investigations are still pending, many believing Kyle was behind the accident all along). Inheriting the estate meant Kyle was not only given a bunch of money, a nice home, and various cars, but he also received the two lifetime season tickets that his parents held. Out of a sense of duty and probably some guilt, Kyle began attending Predators games again, alternating between his mother's and father's seats. The tragic loss of his parents came right at the end of S95, and Kyle was hopeful that a more successful Warsaw season would occur in S96. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

 

Kyle walked into the Warsaw Predators' home opener in his typical attire: a flat-brimmed hat that was skewed to the side on his head, sunglasses no matter the presence of the sun, a very tight band T-shirt like that of Korn, a fake gold necklace, DC shoes with slightly flared pants, and, of course, some broken or sprained limb from punching his wall. When Kyle walked into the arena, heads turned. Kyle has always dressed this way, but it wasn't until the absence of his parents that fellow fans began to take notice. 

 

 

 

After the S96 home opener, Kyle knew that Warsaw was going to be in for a rough season. Sure, Kyle was an odd man and was usually overconfident in things he knew nothing about, but there was certainly one thing he knew a lot about: ice hockey. Kyle's presence in the stands grew in intensity from that game on. It started with simply chirping the game officials, escalating to the point that he threatened to "show yo momma a good time" as he'd laugh and offer high fives to any fan within earshot. It then grew to chirping opposing players, often including a variety of intense language, physical gestures, and even an attempt to get one of them to hop the glass and attack him. But Kyle's intensity grew so much that he began to go after the opposing fans. As fans would laugh and geer the Predators, Kyle was ready to pounce. He fueled up on Mountain Dew Code Red and Monster Energy Drinks, rushed the fans that heckled his beloved Predators, and defended the honor of his beloved team. Warsaw players, management, and fans began to love Kyle deeply, and all opposing fans, players, and management feared him. Kyle became the only goon that Warsaw had, and despite that goon being a fan in the stands, Kyle's pure, unadulterated aggression and caffeine-induced adrenaline struck fear in anyone in his way, especially the opposing players.

 

 

 

When it became apparent to Warsaw that Kyle's presence positively affected the Predators players, they reached out to him with a deal. If Kyle would attend all of the away games with Warsaw and keep doing what he's been doing, but just in away barns, the team would cover his travel costs and lodging, compensate him generously, and allow him to bring in an unlimited supply of Monster, Mountain Dew, and Zyn pouches into the arena, no questions asked. On the surface, Kyle seemed to shrug it off, keeping his Kyle appearance, but on the inside, he was doing a happy dance. Kyle was officially the first to become a professional goon fan in the VHL. He could finally quit telling his friends that his lawsuit money from the car accident was coming soon and he'd pay them back and could actually pay them back, but of course, he never would.

 

While this was a great idea at first, it became apparent that traveling and lodging with the team were not going to be an ideal situation. Kyle couldn't stop Kyling around the team, and he began to cause issues with the players on the road. He began damaging the walls of the hotel rooms under the Warsaw Predators' names by punching holes. He started threatening to sleep with the player's mothers, wives, and even grandmothers when they wouldn't stand when he walked into the room or name more than two songs of the band he was wearing on his shirt. Kyle's presence and personality were great in the stands but not great everywhere else. This left Warsaw with no choice but to stop letting Kyle stay with the players or travel with them. They approached Kyle and said, "To make it even better and more like you are an actual fan, we want to pretend like we don't even know you. We'll pay for your travel and lodging still, but if anyone asks, you don't know us, and we don't know you." Of course, Kyle told the people around him that he had "creative differences" with the Warsaw front office, but he kept everything else under wraps.

 

This is the first time in VHL history that there was a professional goon fan. Kyle has been following the Predators since early in S96, and after the devastating S97, he ramped up his Kyleing even more. Various teams around the league have threatened to ban Kyle from their arenas due to his provocative and frightening nature, but somehow Warsaw was able to gain him particular protections on behalf of the entire league. Despite this, Kyle continues to push limits, even to the point of physically fighting opponent fans in their home arenas. Naturally, this has caused some issues around the league, as it appears to be league sanctioned, but teams are starting to get creative. Now, it's been reported that at least 5 other teams have their own "Kyles" in the stands. It's only a matter of time then before more than one Kyle is in the stands of a game, and their energies are certainly going to attract them to one another. There can, of course, only be one alpha Kyle.

 

The league hopes that the various Kyles will take care of themselves, and that they'll turn their physical aggression on each other, rather than on unsuspecting fans, officials, and players. The key here is to get more than one of them in the same arena at the same time, and have everything ready for them to establish dominance. First, there needs to be a wall punching game. It won't be fake, nor plastered, but actual drywall. The Kyles will establish dominance by seeing who can punch the deepest, break the most bones, and complain about it the least while simultaneously bragging about it the most. Then, there needs to be a "battle of the bands" where the opposing Kyles attempt to name the "before they were famous" tracks of the bands on their t-shirts. Finally, these Kyle showdowns consist of a Monster and Mountain Dew drinking contest, seeing who can drink the most without burping or complaining of their "tummy aches." This is, of course, just the first half of their Kyle showdown. The ultimate decision comes when they get into a physical altercation with one another, the dominating Kyle being the only one left standing. 

 

The grand experiment of VHL goon fans is currently underway, with success varying around the league. However it need not be lost on the league that there is one original goon fan, and his name is Kyle from Warsaw. 

 

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1540 words, claiming 4/6, 4/13, 4/20

[N0HBDY 1,164]

Warsaw Mentioned!!

[N0HBDY 1,164]

I like to think Kyle is also smuggling Four Loco's or Beatbox's into the games, only a rumor though...

[thadthrasher 1,753]

1 hour ago, N0HBDY said:

I like to think Kyle is also smuggling Four Loco's or Beatbox's into the games, only a rumor though...

Kyle doesn’t need to sneak anything in, he openly carries it all in and stares down the security guards.