McMurray Drops the Gloves… with a Pickle

[Bushito 2,349]

In what may go down as the most bizarre penalty in hockey history, rookie enforcer Bash McMurray found himself ejected from Tuesday night’s game after an altercation with, of all things, a pickle.

 

The chaos began during the second intermission when a local vendor tossed a promotional pickle mascot, “Dil the Dill,” onto the ice for a fan-friendly “Pickle Puck Toss.” Dil, a six-foot-tall inflatable cucumber with a dream and questionable balance, slipped dramatically near center ice. McMurray, assuming this was some new form of trash talk, skated over and hip-checked the mascot into the boards.

 

“He looked at me funny,” McMurray later explained. “I’ve seen that look before — usually right before someone drops the gloves.”

 

Witnesses say McMurray then attempted to fight the inflatable vegetable, landing two punches before realizing he was punching a nylon air pocket with googly eyes. Security was forced to intervene when McMurray tried to put the pickle in a headlock and shouted, “You think you’re brined, but I’ll pickle you!”

 

The league has suspended McMurray for two games, citing “unnecessary roughness against produce.”

 

Dil is reportedly shaken but not stirred, currently recovering at the team’s fridge with a side of ranch dressing.

 

McMurray has since apologized, stating, “I thought he was a mascot for the other team. I didn’t know dill could be so aggressive.”

 

The rematch next week? It’s already being billed as McMurray vs. The Relish Revenge.