BREAKING NEWS: BERN'S FINCH FOUND [FINAL 5/6]

[JHS 12]

                                                       The Hockey Times  

 

Bern, Switzerland- Breaking news out of Bern this morning, as it was discovered that Bern Royal's defenseman Atticus Finch had been rescued by local authorities late last night. Finch, who had not attended a team practice since midway through last season, had unknowingly been kidnapped and held captive by a local gangster group. The group, who refused to comment on the situation at all, had been holding him there in order to win large amounts of money by betting against Bern. Finch, who has obviously been affected greatly by the situation, was interviewed by a police interrigator, however due to his state of mental depreciation all he could do was mumble gibberish like "Scout, it's a sin to kill a mockingbird" and "That boy might go to the chair, although the truth has been told." 

 

                                   

Robert "Bob" Ewell, the man accused of leading this gang of criminals, had only this to say about the accusations: "I didn't attempt to kidnap nobody nohow." Ewell, who is from the same Alabama county as Finch, went away muttering something about "that damn Jem" and cursing the entire Finch clan. Atticus Finch is currently recovering in Bern General Hospital, but Bern Royals management say they will continue to honor Finch's contract through the season if he chooses to play, despite it technically having ran out after the season prior. Official statement from GM Sachimo Zoidberg stated: We're glad to have Atticus back in the Bern family. Obviously, his health and safety come first, but when he has recovered we will welcome him back to the team with open arms if he chooses to return." It must've been a harrowing experience for all of his friends and family. 

 

As the details and story of the event unfold we will be releasing it to the viewers. That's all from us here at The Hockey Times, goodnight Hockey Fans.

 

[Jala 922]

This is awkward, we already had a funeral and commemorative bobblehead night in your honour already..

[Smarch 3,157]

I read this as they found Berns bitch

[Jala 922]

I read this as they found Berns bitch

The titles are interchangable

[pxzero 65]

Content: 2/3

I'm glad to have you back! Amusing, and pretty well written. 

 

However, I hate to do it, but you didn't hit the word count.  

 

Minimum is 450, you've got 317 including the title and caption on the photo. Just one more paragraph and you'd have had full marks. 

Grammar: 2/2 

not bad

•  however, due to his state of mental depreciation, - missing commas
• having ran out - having run out, one of the weird English verbs. 
• stated: "We're glad to have - you have closing quotation marks, but no opening ones
•  

Appearance: 1/1

Looks good

 

Overall: 5/6

 

[DollarAndADream 3,356]

Content: 2/3 - Good article, and pretty funny. Like stated above you missed the word count by quite a bit, so I have to deduct.

 

 

Grammar: 2/2 - only noticed pretty much the same things that pxzero noticed.

 

"GM Sachimo Zoidberg stated: We're glad to have Atticus back " - missing a quotation before "we're"

"however due to his state of mental depreciation" - missing a comma after "however" and "depreciation"

"despite it technically having ran out " - run instead of ran.

 

Appearance: 1/1 - appearance is fine. Nice article.

 

 

Overall: 5/6

 

 

Averaged Overall: 5/6