Claimed:Rookie Profile: Coca Cola [Final 8/8]

[Bojo 221]

 

Full Name: Coca Cola

Age: 25

Born: Columbus, GA, USA

Height: 77 inches

Weight: 230

Position: Goalie

Hand: Right

 

 

 

Pro's

- Hand Speed

Coca Cola's reaction speed is attributed to how quickly he can raise his glove in a moment's notice. Every goal Coca Cola has allowed in the minors was either on the stick side, or because the other team was cheating. When he's not practicing his signature saves he's at home alone at night on his computer just furiously m- practicing his hand speed until he explodes. 

 

- Is not afraid of Heights

One thing Coca Cola is not afraid is heights. He is often looking up way in the standings to see if any playoffs spots are available. Coca Cola will do his best to look up at those standings, and say "Hey. We're only down by 20 points. There's still a chance." That's how the Red Wolves made it in this season. As Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell would say: "Ain't No Mountain hiiiiiigh enough..."

 

- Water Bottle Refilling

Fun fact: Coca Cola never really started that much growing up. With all the extra time on the bench, Coca Cola would practice the forgetten art of "The Waterboy." People would often get thirsty, and need somebody to be a hero for those unquenched mouths. Enter Coca Cola, sitting proudly at the end of the bench, shaking and filling water bottles, tossing them down the wall like a bartender. Coca Cola is the healthiest way to refresh yourself during a game.

 

 

 

Con's

- Lazy

When Coca Cola first came to the league, he was actually in a coma-like state where he could still move, but his concious wasn't really there. He woke up in Moscow one day, and improved a bit I guess. He eventually helped lead the Red Wolves to a playoff round, and actually won a game while he was there. But he was late to every meeting, and he forgets to do his weekly art session that provides him with about 6 imaginary points.

 

- Doesn't Bathe

I'm not 100% sure this is true, but something must be off about Coca Cola. It must be his lack of showers. Coca Cola's stench has forced him to go from Ottawa to Moscow, Davos (wherever that is), Stockholm, then finally in Olso. The odor has made him one of the most traded people in VHL history under 3 three seasons. He's super awesome, so he must smell like the underside of a burnt diaper.

 

- Might actually be a cat named Pushkin

Meow.

 

 

Final Thoughts

 

Coca Cola is a very strange prospect. What he lacks in any ability to play the position, he makes up with funny pictures of cats. He might even be a better player if he didn't play goalie, but there he is with his undersized goalie gear, and leg pads on the wrong leg. However, this guy is just so cool. He was voted "most likely to have a profile mention he was cool." 

 

Despite Coca Cola's immaturity and off ice issues, he will be a top goalie one day, or at least the best back up goalie in the league. He just wants to be in the league as a great team player, and will help whatever new franchise picks him up. If he can't do that, he will at least plan to play for as many franchises as possible before each team decides that he isn't really all that good at being a goalie. 

 

[DollarAndADream 3,356]

Overview: 2/2 - You hit the word mark here, and it's a good article with humour involved.

 

Pros & Cons: 3/3 - One might argue that this isn't a solid 3 cons, but being a cat in the VHL is definitely a con.

 

Grammar: 2/2 - Only a few things here to note so I'm not going to dock anything. You'll learn, don't worry.

 

"- Is not afraid of Heights" - not sure what the capitals here are about. Should be, 'Is Not Afraid of Heights'

""Ain't No Mountain hiiiiiigh enough..." - Ain't no mountain high enough. Odd capital placement again.

"then finally in Olso." - then finally TO OSLO.

"most traded people in VHL history under 3 three seasons" - in under three seasons

"- Might actually be a cat named Pushkin" - it's a subtitle, so it should be capitalized. Might Actually Be a Cat Named Pushkin

"off ice issues" - off-ice

 

Presentation: 1/1 - You get a solid 1 here solely because of the cat.

 

Overall: 8/8 Cats

[Kendrick 4,741]

Claimed