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Hanz Backenbauer-- The Prodigy


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               HANZ BACKENBAUER


If you don't know Hanz Backenbauer's back story, consider yourself lucky. The kid got anything and everything, the deal was in Liechtenstein, you were either rich as fuck or simply could not live there. The Backenbauer family in particular was one of those families everyone wanted to be a part of. He would drive to elementary school in his flashy Trek Yoshitomo Nara Speed Concept bike, which is valued at about 200,000 US Dollars, he drove to school in this just to show off what a big deal he was, when in reality he was just a dick to everyone he met. However, this did not stop the boys and the girls from lining up to catch a glimpse of the cool useless shit the other guys would never have.


 Hanz was getting board of the same old thing, making fake friends again and again, who were only in it for his brand new Wii Video Game console for his birthday in December. Then, he started talking to his brother, his twin in fact. Hanz and Franz used to not be so close, they tolerated each other, but Franz's head was way up in space. Franz didn't have much friends, partly due to his unbelievable size, by age 12, he was about 6 feet tall, but no. He wasn't NEARLY done growing. Though the brothers didn't have much in common, they quickly became best friends. Franz has just found this really amazing sport named hockey, which was virtually unheard of.


"Its so cool, man." Franz said when trying to convince Hanz to skate with him, "They play it in Germany sometimes. A lot up north... like Sweden, Canada, Russia..."


It didn't take much more convincing. Hanz was by nature, a sports expert. Growing up, he played soccer as a striker and was the teams star player. Tennis was also a rather big deal in Vaduz, Liechtenstein, so Hanz picked that up too, and even competed in a few tournaments. He was willing to try this new sport, and the idea of a sport on ice was intriguing. 


It was an instant hit for Hanz. He loved being with his brother, he loved sports... and he loved hockey! Because they were rich fucks, his parents went on "vacation" to Ottawa, Ontario. It was an effort to find out the rules of the games and play at a high level.


They played 4 on 4 hockey that summer in Canada. A lot of people were shocked from where the brothers were from, and most importantly what they were like on the ice. Hanz never thought that he was great, just thought of himself as an average player at first. He started by playing left wing but just couldn't get the hang of it. Franz suggested his brother played alongside him on defense, despite the fact Hanz wasn't the biggest guy, or the most defensively minded player. But it worked, Franz covered up perfectly for his brother while he went on a rush to the oppsing net, and considering it was Peewee Rec hockey, it was rare for Hanz not to score.



 ABOVE: Hanz celebrates a goal (yeah, he scored a lot) with his brother Franz


There was something about the boys passions that made it just cruel for their parents to simply go back to not-exactly-hockey-crazed country of Lichtenstein. Instead, Mrs. Backenbauer and Mr. Backenbauer bought a mansion for the boys to live in Ottawa in order to help them pursue their hockey career, as well as hired countless butlers and maids to help the boys out. Franz was defiantly the mature one, while Hanz was the irresponsible one to throw blowout parties.



The victim of many drunks attacking the house during parties 


There was a brief time where Hanz and Franz after playing and dominating the AAA Cumberland Grads, the boys were drafted #1 and #2 overall in the OHL draft. Hanz was drafted by the Oshawa General, while Franz was drafted by the Kitchener Rangers. 



Franz in his Rangers uniform


BobbyOrrOshawa.jpegHanz smiles for a picture in his Captain Oshawa jersey





           Escape to the VHL


While the Backenbauers made many friends over the years, they got a long list of people that wanted them died, whether it'd be because of their cocky nature and inappropriate attitude, or perhaps it was because of their superior skill. A man by the name of Matt Cooke (who was playing in the NHLs Pittsburgh Penguins franchise at the time) made it his mission to hurt the career of many defensive prodigies after injuring young star Erik Karlsson. This time however, he wanted to get rid of them before they even hit the NHL! Mr. Cooke sent several hit men to a hotel in Kitchener, the Howard Johnson Hotel. Oshawa just played in Kitchener in a 3-2 win for them, which included an insane shootout goal by Hanz, which turned into the game winner. The brothers didn't see each other that often, and took this chance to relax at the Howard Johnson Hotel. What they did not know however, was who was waiting for them, and why they were there.



A picture of the Howard Johnson hotel on the day Hanz and Franz got kidnapped


 They went missing entirely, vanished from the real world. The missing signs were useless, no one knew what happened to the brothers that day.


  When Hanz and Franz woke up, the Virtual Hockey League had put them on waivers... both of them! None of the brothers knew exactly what was going on, but the message was clear: Play or die.


 They were both claimed by the Ottawa Lynx in the Junior League of the VHL, where they would spend 4 games in, Hanz scoring 4 points. In the off-season however, they were drafted #29 (Franz) and #30 (Hanz) in the very last picks of the Disposal Draft for the Junior League by the Brampton Blades. At the beginning of the season, while visiting Ottawa after a 2-1 loss, misery struck. Franz left the locker room earlier than Hanz, as usual. What usually happened was Franz would go to a restaurant and get himself and his brother food while Hanz was getting out of his equipment. But when Hanz left the rink, Franz was gone. A simple note was left on their car, Hes back to the real world... and died.


 Getting over Franz was a difficult task for Hanz. His best friend, his roommate, the only one he could confine all his trust in... his brother. Hanz has still never gotten over losing his brother, and likely never will.



Hanz cries the next game in O Canada, thinking about how his brother would always be right beside him.


          So.... what is next?


 Hanz is furious and is motivated to bring the Brampton Blades back the the top! He refuses to back down. He has to work on the defensive aspect of the game, true, but he knows hard work and dedication will take him far!


                           The Pros and Cons of Hanz


 As much as Hanz Backenbauer likes to think so, he's not perfect. He's human. 


 Cons: Hanz is no longer playing alongside his brother, who would cover up for his defensive errors, and there were lots of them. He has to be responsible on both ends of the ice, and this may be a slow process, but he is willing to learn. Another flaw is his toughness, or lack there of and his rotten temper. There are always going to be goons who have a lock on him. Franz can't stick up for his brother anymore when Hanz starts baiting in into the goon's traps.


Pros: Hanz is best comparable to the NHL legend, Bobby Orr. He is capable of making clean, crisp passes, and rush end to end. He's a hard worker and despite his attitude  he is really willing to improve. One thing that stands out is his leadership abilities, he's a team guy and a great leader.

 Try not to bog it down with an outrageous plot and do a good job of balancing life and hockey stories.

                                                Well fuck it, its my biography.


    1374 words 7668 characters 

Edited by Meowing Jesus
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  • 2 weeks later...

Overview: 3/3 - Hanz Backenbauer seems to live a very interesting life. While Hanz may not have had a traditional introduction to hockey, the important fact is that he's here. Hopefully Hanz will be able to get over the loss of his brother Franz.


Grammar: 1.5/2 - A rather long list of mistakes. I'd recommend copy and pasting your writing into Microsoft Word or something first and running spell check. Many of these could have been avoided somewhat easily.


everything, the = everything. The

Dollars, he = dollars. He

getting board = getting bored

close, they = close. They

have much friends = have many friends

size, by = size. By

teams star player = team's star player

brother played alongside = brother play alongside

to not = to the not

was defiantly = was definitely

wanted them died = wanted them dead

Virtual Hockey League = Victory Hockey League

abilities, he's = abilities. He's


Presentation: 1/1 - Sure.


Pros: .5/2 - Not even 100 words. You basically wrote about a sentence each for each pro.


Cons: .5/2 - Same as Pros.


Overall: 6.5/10

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