Unknown Assailants Pulverize Taylor

[Doomsday 4,048]

Unknown Assailants Pulverize Taylor

 

COLOGNE, GERMANY - Kameron Taylor, star center and team captain of the Cologne Express, was found beaten senseless in a back alley just a block away from the Rotes Bierhaus, a prominent pub in Cologne. Although details of his injuries have not been released, he is believed to have sustained a concussion from the vicious attack. Perhaps the most mysterious aspect of it is that there are precisely zero leads on who the attacker or attackers were.

 

"It's very strange, very bizarre," said Cologne's Chief of Police, Jens Brubaker. "Taylor is a very well-respected figure here in Cologne and I don't understand why he would be targeted for such a heinous, cowardly attack like this."

 

The only clues that investigators have to work with are a seemingly endless amount of scribble left on Taylor. Oddly enough, virtually all of the words that were written on his body are misspelled, including such words as, "phag," "panisfayce," "cookgoobler" and "dangus." Only the phrase, "Correct these or the beatings will continue," was spelled correctly.

 

Since injuries do not exist in the VHL universe, Taylor will be suiting up tonight unless Jardy doesn't sim the file again, at which point he will likely just sit at home and continue to discover his penis.

 

Jethro Novacek is a writer for the MSFL Times and a best-selling author. He enjoys purveying dick jokes, admiring the people in this world that are actually good and decent and fanatically remembering Alex Lewis.

[Ball 453]

Hmm doesn't look like anything someone on Seattle would do. Don't look to much into this

[Guest]

Haha this is golden. Especially the part about Jardy.