Claimed:Oslo Sees Storm of Cucumber Sales[Final 6/6]

[Alucard 46]

Oslo Sees Storm of Cucumber Sales

 

With the the VHLM season fast approaching, grocery stores around Oslo have seen a rise in cucumber sales, and the trend is expected to continue. The Storm's 3rd round pick, Evgeny Nezhmetdinov, is known affectionately as 'Kiyar' (cucumber) in his native Kazakhstan, and hockey fans in Oslo seem set to welcome him to Norway with open arms... and fresh vegetables.

 

"It's a bit absurd," said one local grocer, former Trollhunter Hans Hansen. "We experienced something similar a few years ago when fetishism became all the rage in Oslo, but for hockey? That is unexpected."

 

In Astana, where Nezhmetdinov began his ice hockey career, cucumbers became a regular sight whenever the young winger was on the ice, though most of those were cardboard cutouts. Why then are Norwegians preferring to buy fresh vegetables?

 

"Life is good here in Oslo. The economies all around Europe are not as strong as they were a few years ago, but people still have more money than they know what to do with. Honestly, it saddens me to think of all the cucumbers that will go to waste."

 

Hansen also believes that the trend will reflect negatively upon the VHLM, if only in the eyes of grocers and vegetarians. Certainly nobody likes to see food go to waste, but if there is an upside to be found to Nezhmetdinov's arrival in Oslo, surely it is a boost in the revenue of grocers all across the city.

 

Grocer Hans Hansen is unimpressed

 

"It's a matter of principle," said Hansen. "Yes, it is good for our pockets, but what about all of the cucumbers who will never fulfil their destinies to feed and nourish the appetites of people? I don't care enough about hockey to ignore the desires of the cucumbers; this isn't Sweden or Finland. This is Norway, and in Norway we care about our cucumbers."

 

Not all grocers shared Hansen's rather idiosyncratic viewpoint, however. VHLM Weekly also caught up with Oslo's in-house chef, the infamous Vegan Black Metal Chef.

 

"I think it's great," said VBMC. "The heretics across the border have held hockey dominion over the might of Norway for too long. The fact that so many people are excited about the upcoming season can only bode well for the future, and as a vegan I am personally delighted that the cucumber will serve as the emblem of the mighty sporting edifice soon to rise on Norwegian shores."

 

Vegan Black Metal Chef has foretold a grim season ahead for Oslo's opponents

 

"It's going to be mayhem," he smirked when asked for his opinion on the upcoming season. "We shall prove ourselves as immortal emperors over the rest of the VHLM, and in the woods all other sides shall become enslaved to our rule. They shall fall as did those who perished in 1349, when the plague swept like a zyklon across the continent. Hail Oslo! For we are kvlt!"

[Kylrad 178]

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