Tsbagsuph 62 Posted March 20, 2016 Share Posted March 20, 2016 The Story of Tsbagsuph-Diks A new player is set to begin his VHL career. Kendrick E. Tsbagsuph-Diks is a left winger originating out of Dildo, Newfoundland. Known for his often phallic remarks, this article aims to provide a lighter, more personal overview of what life is like for this young phenomenon. Kendrick, often called Ken for short, grew up on the Eastern coast of Canada. He credits his father, Alexander Tsbagsuph, for his love of hockey. Alexander fled to Western Europe from Belarus shortly after the collapse of the Iron Curtain. It was here that he met his soon-to-be wife, Rose E. Diks. Rose and Alexander quickly fell in love, often finding their stunningly different cultures to be a major source of attraction. After a night of passionate love-making in 1993, Ken was consummated. Immediately upon hearing the news, Alexander saw an article highlighting the abundance of cod fish in Newfoundland and proposed the couple move to create a successful life for their soon to be child. Freakishly, Ken was not birthed until 1998, where he weighed in at 38.6lbs. Throughout his childhood, he seemed to excel at sports. Notably in hockey, it seemed like he was consistently the biggest boy on the ice and had strides far greater and stronger than the rest of his team. Due to his inherent advantage, Ken played at left wing, forcing himself through the boards and taking shots far harder than his competition. Naturally, at 6 years old, he was the cream of the corn. It was at this time that Ken landed his first girlfriend, Suzy. Despite her nickname on the schoolyard as Suzy Floozy, Suzy and Ken did nothing more than hugging, though this may be big potatoes for 2nd graders. By the 5th grade, Ken and Suzy’s handholding had become stale. As such, Ken moved on to a 9th grader named Becky. Becky would come to all of Ken’s hockey games, and after a while, Ken had enough rapport to play with Becky’s older brother in road hockey. Due to his sudden exposure to a higher level of skill, Ken was able to greatly advance his game. He learned that he will not necessarily be the biggest individual on the ice and decided to begin working on his skills instead. It was now that Ken learned how to deke and gained an understanding for the technique of passing. When he took this to the ice (as still the largest child), he excelled and was eventually moved up by two age groups. His fame spread quickly. Everyone wanted a piece of him. He contracted several STDs in the process from his fans (both guys and gals because he is open and cool about that sort of stuff). Since then, he has mostly hung out behind the bleachers smoking weed until now. Now, he is ready for the VHL! DollarAndADream 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eaglesfan036 4,585 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 lol i like this guy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evrydayimbyfuglien 600 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Review: This is hilarious. I hope you continue with this. Also, great name. I only ever saw the last name in any other posts but now I get it. No grammar issues, great content, great article. Keep it up, man. eaglesfan036 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim 182 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Claimed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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