HabsFanFromOntario 21 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) Jimmity Kricket Comes Out January 31st, Oslo Not out of the closest folks, try to keep it appropriate. No, Kricket approached me looking to have a personal interview on why he's been so lackadaisical in his off-ice efforts and why he has not attended practice in ages. The answer was something I would never have expected. The Cricket, the nickname given to him by his fans however few they are, described his experience as horrifying, death-dying and traumatic. Using words like: "Holy fuck, the bastards almost ripped out my shoulder and fed it to that." is perhaps the best prelude I can give to his tale. His tale begins as he was coming home from his first game in the VHLM. He approached his billet's house, took out his key and began to unlock his door. As he walked into the house, an eerie light emanated throughout the place. It was green no less. He proceeded further into the house to be met by two men, later identified as Kameron Taylor and David Collier, wielding baseball bats. They threatened to destroy his limbs should he not drop in the draft and fall to the Express' pick. Kendrick and Collier holding baseball bats And so, for Jimmity he proceeded to drop in the draft the best he could, by not showing up to practice, by not working out and by being uncommunicative with both his coaches, billet family and the media. He never gave post-game interviews, not even once. As the season progressed Taylor and Collier did not think that The Cricket was falling far enough in the draft so they approached him again. This time, they forced him into the most embarrassing and traumatic experience any man could ever undergo. The Cricket during the Express' prospect camp Taylor approached him carrying a bottle full of pills. He told Jimmity to take them twice a day until the draft to ensure that he'd drop to their pick, or else. Kricket, scared out of his wits took them, religiously, twice a day. Then the side effects hit, he started to become more sensitive in the breast region and they began to grow a little, not as muscles but, actual breasts. He began not to be interested in sexual activities either, they seemed but a waste of time. Kricket also gained an astonishing 40 pounds over the next month, something that had never happened in his life. But still he took them until the draft as he anti-climatically, fell to the Express' pick and stopped taking the pills. Curious to know what was in them however, he approached Collier and inquired. As many of you have by this point guessed, estrogen was the content contained within that pill bottle. Ashamed, Kricket hid within his house, eating nuts and limiting his alcohol consumption to attempt to reverse the effects of the pills. It took most of this season for this to happen. Now that he is back in game-day shape, he is ready to reclaim his starting role in Oslo and hopefully, one day become the Express' starting goaltender. Edited January 31, 2014 by HabsFanFromOntario Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/4753-claimedkricket-comes-out/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fire Tortorella 2,653 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Nice to see you back! Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/4753-claimedkricket-comes-out/#findComment-36631 Share on other sites More sharing options...
RomanesEuntDomus 442 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I can neither declaim nor deny that any of the described events happened. Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/4753-claimedkricket-comes-out/#findComment-36633 Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowboyinAmerica 2,889 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Jimmity Kricket Comes Out Glad to see you back as well, but based on the title, thought this was 100% going a different direction. Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/4753-claimedkricket-comes-out/#findComment-36640 Share on other sites More sharing options...
HabsFanFromOntario 21 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 Glad to see you back as well, but based on the title, thought this was 100% going a different direction. LOL, read the first sentence I figured people would make that assumption Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/4753-claimedkricket-comes-out/#findComment-36649 Share on other sites More sharing options...
HabsFanFromOntario 21 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 Nice to see you back! Thanks man, good to be back! Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/4753-claimedkricket-comes-out/#findComment-36658 Share on other sites More sharing options...
d3vilsfire 132 Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 (edited) Content: 3/3 - Over 500 words. Umm, I think you could contact the cops bro. Haha, I laughed and it was great read! Kinda felt bad for Kricket.Grammar: 2/2 - Only found two punctuation mistakes. no comma after but and semicolon after either not a comma (all in second to last paragraph) Appearance: 1/1 - Yep! Those bats looks super scary. Actually so does that goalie. SAW? haha Overall: 6/6 - Good luck and welcome back! Edited February 2, 2014 by d3vilsfire Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/4753-claimedkricket-comes-out/#findComment-37062 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Claimed Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/4753-claimedkricket-comes-out/#findComment-37618 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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