The Beginning of a New Chapter [1/2]

[Spaz 297]

         

 

 

       It's passion and a dream to make the pro's it's something we all dream about in this league, the thrill of becoming the next star like Sidney Crosby, Connor Mcdavid, etc., and the thrill of hoisting the Stanley cup, but you have to start out somewhere to prove yourself, and make a name for yourself and the VHLM is a good place to start.

 

        I grew up watching and playing hockey as a kid and it was tough because hockey wasn't that big in my small town of Brescia, Italy, football/soccer was the most popular to play so finding people to play with was pretty difficult but that didn't stop me. What got me into hockey was the way my father would always tell me stories of legends like Mario Lemieux, Wayne Gretzky and so many more, and it has always fascinated me. 

 

       I didn't get into ice hockey until my father and I moved the states when I was eight, my father and mother divorced and I was too close to my father to not go with him, and it gave me the opportunity to achieve my dreams, it was a really hard decision to make because I loved both of them so much, and the thought of being far apart from one or the other was horrible, but my mother understood and I would get to visit her every summer when school and hockey was over. It was my third year playing hockey coming into the states, and I tried out for my local youth team and I had a lot to prove, once I got the skating down I focused on a position and I really enjoyed, also something that was my strong spot, and that was the right wing and I've played it since I've also wore the number fifteen my whole career and so far it has followed through to the VHLM I like to think of it as my lucky number. 

 

       Fast forward to 15 my father and I had moved again though staying in states he had a big promotion and couldn't turn it down so, I had to prove myself over again, and I was fine with that so, I decided to go all out, and try out for the Erie Otters. I made the team the coach saw potential in me, and gave me the opportunity for a chance to show what I was made of. We, only had one good season in Erie which was the 16-17 season and we went 50-15-3 having the best record in the league, and ended up winning the memorial cup against the Mississauga Steelheads in five games. I ended the season with 70 points I found myself on the first line a quarter through the season and never looked back. I would eventually get traded to the Steelheads in the middle of the next season as I struggled with only 15 points and a plus minus of -7, but ended the season with 50 points and a plus minus of -5.

 

         

 

       I would finish my career with the Stealheads and the OHL, as of November , 23, 2019 when Assistant General Manager Berocka came up to me in the locker room and told me he could have third line ice time for me if I wanted it possibly second in the future for the Mississauga Hounds in the VHLM, I didn't hesitate, and out of excitement accepted, I was given an opportunity of a lifetime it was something I definitely couldn't turn down it's the next chapter in my book and we will see where it will take me.

 

     

 

       

Edited November 26, 2019 by Spaz

[DollarAndADream 3,357]

Review:

Appearance-wise, this looks alright. Requirements state you need a title, picture, and paragraphs. You definitely have 2 of those. You don't have a title over top of it, but I can accept that. The picture is a little big on top of the article but it looks okay.

As for the write-up, this is a big, run-on sentence: "  It's passion and a dream to make the pro's it's something we all dream about in this league, the thrill of becoming the next star like Sidney Crosby, Connor Mcdavid, etc., and the thrill of hoisting the Stanley cup, but you have to start out somewhere to prove yourself, and make a name for yourself and the VHLM is a good place to start. "

 

It should be something like this: It's a passion and a dream to make the pros. It's something we all dream about in this league; the thrill of becoming the next star like Sidney Crosby, Connor McDavid, etc., and the thrill of hoisting the Stanley Cup. You have to start out somewhere to prove and make a name for yourself, and the VHLM is a good place to start.

 

Breaking it down like that into smaller sentences would flow a lot better.

 

I could spend time editing and correcting grammar, but this is about effort, and the effort is clearly there. This is a great story and it's easy to follow.

Easy approval from me for this Junior Review, and good luck with your career!