Legend0985 18 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) I’m new in the locker room and to this great team our season isn’t starting out the greatest but we will improve your strategies and all our coaches will get us to where we need to go and the great players as well our gm is doing a great job he’s pushing us to be the best long as everyone works hard we will get the wins where we need them the most it’s great to be in this League League vhl I’m hoping to improve my Defence stickhandling etc. to be defence stickhandling etc. and get some i truly believe we can make the playoffs if we just work together and win more we got this we’re just in a rebuild abs sometimes that takes awhile thank you for reading ps what else should we work on I’m so new to this kinda stuff I’m just learning too Definitely fun to do and I just don’t know what else to write I will have a good season bye for now wvodka Edited January 31, 2020 by Legend0985 Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/76665-review-of-our-team/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Ricer13 2,837 Posted January 31, 2020 Moderator Share Posted January 31, 2020 A couple grammar issues that need to be fixed @Legend0985 Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/76665-review-of-our-team/#findComment-710640 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gustav 6,484 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 38 minutes ago, Legend0985 said: what else should we work on I’m so new to this kinda stuff I’m just learning too Definitely fun to do and I just don’t know what else to write I will have a good season bye for now wvodka @VHL GM Your AGM said it best, really just grammar and spelling and stuff. The content is there, but more people will want to read it if you're able to clean it up. For example, I'll re-write your article with proper grammar and spelling here... Spoiler "I'm new in the locker room and our season isn't starting out the greatest, but we will improve our strategies. All of our coaches will get us to where we need to go, as well as our great players and our GM. He's doing a great job--he's pushing us to be the best and as long as everyone works hard we will get the wins where we need them the most. It's great to be in this league and I'm hoping to improve my defence and stickhandling and get some points. I truly believe we can make the playoffs if we just work together and win more. We've got this, we're just in a rebuild...sometimes that takes a while." Notice how much more readable it is once you correct some things? I'd suggest typing your stuff up in Word or Google Docs first, where you'll have grammar and spell check to work with. Run through after you've finished it up and correct all you can. Also, feel free to hit me up if you have any questions or want something else read over. Ricer13 1 Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/76665-review-of-our-team/#findComment-710644 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Ricer13 2,837 Posted January 31, 2020 Moderator Share Posted January 31, 2020 7 minutes ago, GustavMattias said: Your AGM said it best, really just grammar and spelling and stuff. The content is there, but more people will want to read it if you're able to clean it up. For example, I'll re-write your article with proper grammar and spelling here... Hide contents "I'm new in the locker room and our season isn't starting out the greatest, but we will improve our strategies. All of our coaches will get us to where we need to go, as well as our great players and our GM. He's doing a great job--he's pushing us to be the best and as long as everyone works hard we will get the wins where we need them the most. It's great to be in this league and I'm hoping to improve my defence and stickhandling and get some points. I truly believe we can make the playoffs if we just work together and win more. We've got this, we're just in a rebuild...sometimes that takes a while." Notice how much more readable it is once you correct some things? I'd suggest typing your stuff up in Word or Google Docs first, where you'll have grammar and spell check to work with. Run through after you've finished it up and correct all you can. Also, feel free to hit me up if you have any questions or want something else read over. Gustav is right! He is also extremely helpful and helped me along the way! I encourage you @Legend0985 to reach out if I am not explaining things properly! Gustav 1 Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/76665-review-of-our-team/#findComment-710646 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legend0985 18 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) "I'm new in the locker room and our season isn't starting out the greatest, but we will improve our strategies. All of our coaches will get us to where we need to go, as well as our great players and our GM. He's doing a great job--he's pushing us to be the best and as long as everyone works hard we will get the wins where we need them the most. It's great to be in this league and I'm hoping to improve my defence and stickhandling and get some points. I truly believe we can make the playoffs if we just work together and win more. We've got this, we're just in a rebuild...sometimes that takes a while thank you Edited January 31, 2020 by Legend0985 DoktorFunk 1 Link to comment https://vhlforum.com/topic/76665-review-of-our-team/#findComment-710651 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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