Houston Bulls Bust Mascot Slave Ring

[SweatyBeaver 132]

It all started as a usual night for the Houston Bulls. They had just defeated the Las Vegas Aces and were at Uncle Mo’s Bar/Cheese shop drinking all that they could amidst a massive post game party at their General Manager's expense. However that fateful night was going to be different, seated in the corner of the bar/cheese shop was a shadowy figure, none of the players thought twice about them until midway through the night the team began to notice that their beloved mascot Benny the Bull was missing.

 

Local police were on the scene soon and after wading through the players passed out on the floor they reviewed the security tapes and witnessed the mysterious figure grab Benny at gun point and taking him outside into the back of a van. As the players awoke out of their drunken stupor they learned the truth of what had happened the night before.

 

“To be honest I have no idea who is in that mascot costume but…he’s one of us” General manager Sonnet told police whilst barely holding back her tears. For the Bulls their next practice was going to be different; they were going to hunt down the kidnapper and rescue their mascot.

 

“None of us have any police experience but I believe it is our duty to save one of our own.” Forward Michael Hall wrote to his parents in a last text in case everything went wrong. After reviewing the surveillance for an hour Jer Lefebvre discovered that the van had a license plate and could be tracked if they hacked into the police’s database. Resident hacker Turner McHugh quickly cracked into the police database by successfully guessing that the password was ‘password.’

 

The van was tracked to an abandoned ice cream factory on the out skirts of Houston. “You know I had a dream about this the other night…it um…didn’t end well for John.” Gregg Stallion told a player in secret not realizing that the person he told this truth to was in fact the illfated teams goalie John.

 

Stealthily arriving at the ice cream factory in the massive team bus each member took their positions to infiltrate the factory. Both of the Rileys climbed onto the roof while the rest of the team waited at the door for their signal. At precisely 2:56 AM both of the Rileys played the Bulls goal song to alert their teammates that the time had come. Roadkill Steve single handedly broke in the door as the team swarmed in armed with sharpened hockey stick while Sonnet followed close behind carrying a shotgun she claimed she had ‘found’ in her office. However none of them were prepared for the awful truth that they would find inside.

 

Approximately 50 mascots were shackled and were working on making cheap children toys that would easily break after a day. The team stood shocked at what they saw unfolding in front of them. Many missing local mascots were seen in broken and worn down costumes being forced in electric collars to conduct slave labor to build these toys. All looked lost as a shadowy figure brandishing a machine gun walked up behind the team and held them at gun point. “Its over” a muffled voice said as the team laid down their weapons to see the mastermind of this horrifying mascot slave ring.

 

“Wait who are you?” JJ Johnson asked the individual in front of them “I’m Dandy, I used to be the New York Yankees mascot and now I make a killing selling these cheap toys to children in Africa!” The evil mastermind announced. All that followed was confused silence that was eventually broken by a snap as Bot #2 nonchalantly broke Dandy’s neck “You forgot to bring me..I kill bad man…Robots are best.” Bot #2 said as all of the shackled mascots began to cheer realizing they now were free.

 

Each member of the team was awarded a national medal of freedom and given the keys to the city in the aftermath of the discovery of the mascot slave ring in the city. For the Bulls players though they would celebrate the only way they knew how: a massive drunken party.

 

 

 

(Disgraced Yankees mascot and Slave Ring Mastermind 'Dandy')

-Burt McKart, The Houston Hustler

 

719 Words

Edited April 27, 2020 by SweatyBeaver

[SweatyBeaver 132]

9 hours ago, Sonnet said:

 

I love that I'm still being referred to as if I'm Rin. The consistency is perfection

 

The joke has to be kept alive