Oh Sens Miami FunDay

[osens 297]

Oh Sens is a Japanese player, who got drafted this offseason by Miami Marauders. He was drafted Round 5 and was talked about, in terms of being steal. 

 

Oh Sens watched draft in his house, from Tokyo, because of this situation in world. He grabbed his snacks, and draft started at 9 am in Tokyo. Last night Oh Sens couldn't sleep, because of stress. He thought, he would get picked in first two rounds, but two rounds are finished, and Sens is still on board. 3rd round done and he is still not picked. After 4th round Sens went back to sleep furious and he woke up to his family screams, when they congratulated him on getting picked my Minnesota. Sens was furious, because he wanted to go live in sunny Miami and then he checked out draft online, he was actually picked by Miami, but his family English was not very good, they thought Miami was Minnesota, but in the end Sens was picked by the right team.

 

After about 2 hours Sens received a phone call from GM of Miami Marauders, he congrulated Sens on getting picked and he talked about more stuff, Sens really didn't know what he was talking about, he just said yes and he got email with plane tickets. He hopped on plane to Miami and met with General Manager. This time he got translater and they were able to talk. GM said, that he has already bought a flat for him and he can move in right now, but after that Sens has to go sign contract. Oh thought - sure, he will quickly pack out and he will continue his ways.  He got in his flat by the beach and his view was spectacular. Translater was still with him and they went outside. Outside of hotel he was met by 3 big men. They said follow, follow, so Sens just followed them, because he thought that he will be able to see some more of city. They walked few streets to north and they went inside of one house. They went inside and he quickly understood what was going on. There was a lot of white powder and they were offering Sens to buy. Oh Sens did a full 180 and ran outside of the house and back to hotel, and he left his translator there with those men. Nobody still haven't heard, what happened to that guy. Miami owner hired new translator and they moved on to sign contract. Contract signing went peacefully. This time Sens was given his personal assistant, so he wouldn't get involved with drug dealers or any other problems. They went around city to watch some objects. Assistant had to take some calls so Sens went on his own. He got to the beach and went for a swim. In front of him, there was a sign, which said, that nobody should swim there, because of sharks, but Sens couldn't read English, so he went for a nice swim. When his assistant had seen, what Oh Sens was doing, he sprinted like Usain Bolt and screamed his lungs out for Sens to get out of water and not get killed by Sharks. Sens quickly got out and they decided that it was probably good for them to go back to his flat and he should spend more time there, then outside. Season is starting and hopefully Sens doesn't get in more trouble.

 

/574 words/

[Ricer13 2,776]

Review:

 

Good article my dude. I liked the use of humour in your article. I like it when people step out side of the generic draft article and show us their creativity with story telling. The one critique I have is that there are a number of grammatical issues throughout. Always give it a read before submitting just to clear up any issues there might be. 
 

Rating: 7.5/10

[ahockeyguy 110]

Thanks for this, man! I appreciated the story, because it gives us your unique perspective on the excitement of draft day. I also enjoyed the humor of the Miami-Minnesota mix-up, the first phone call, etc. As has been noted, I will also mention the grammatical issues--but only because they detract from the readability of what is going on. This is a story that is good enough to be immersed into--which means it's one of the best ones you could've written!--but instead of fully enjoying it, I found myself deciphering what was being said. In other words, if the reader is noting grammatical issues enough, it means they're paying less attention to your story. Overall, great work! Score: 7.5/10