Low Flow

[Mongoose87 384]

The hottest story around Miami right now is all about water - or water pressure, more precisely. Reports are flooding out of the city that the Miami Marauders' locker room has a serious water pressure problem, thanks to some water-saving showerheads installed by the construction contractor.

"It's terrible!" Decried one trainer. "There's not even enough pressure to rinse the shampoo out of your hair. I have players complaining about it to me after every game."

This sort of controversy is the last thing the nascent expansion team wants on its maiden voyage. However, newly drafted defenseman Kosmo Kramerev insists he has the solution to this deficit of flow.

"I got a guy," Kramerev told reporters, with a wink and a click if his tongue, as he lit up a fresh cigar.

"I'm gonna get some showerheads that'll blow you away! BLOW YOU AWAY! YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT YOU, JERRY!"

Kramerev declined to elaborate as to who Jerry is and also declined to comment on sling be was wearing in his left arm.

The Marauders front office has flatly denied rumors that Kramerev was injured using a showerhead designed for washing elephants. Kramerev is questionable for tonight's season opener.