VHL 20 in 20 #10: The Shortbus

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The Shortbus

A lot of people have been waiting for this one, but the wait is finally over. The Shortbus was the nickname for the New York Americans team that existed between Season 7 and Season 9 inclusively. The name was coined by radio DJ Laker12 on his now defunct “Ode to Aramark” podcast. The short bus is generally a smaller school bus that is used to drive kids with mental or physical disabilities to school. When the Americans got a group of players together that were not very well-liked around the league, and were led by one of the most controversial figures the league has ever seen, it was only a matter of time before people reacted to it. Time to go inside the Shortbus and see how things really were in New York back then.

***DISCLAIMER***
I interviewed Robbie Zimmers for this article – you should know what to expect. For the documentary purposes of this series, I’ve decided to leave it uncensored. Proceed at your own risk.

At the beginning of Season 5, the Hamilton Canucks were riding high as they were coming off their first ever playoffs birth in Season 4, and were looking forward to more of the same. Shortly into that season, however, they realized that they were in for another long season. The fans, originally filled with hope and excitement, soon reverted to the typical, careless nature that the Canucks players were used to. It was at about the midway mark of Season 5 that current General Manager, Jesus Christ, stepped down from his position, getting ready to retire from the league. He was eventually placed on waivers, and was involved in what many people referred to as one of the least classy moves in VHL history.

To digress for a moment, Christ was put on waivers so that he could go attempt to help the Stockholm Rams win a first Continental Cup, but he was claimed by the last place, regulation winless Toronto Legion – a useless move for a franchise whose season was already lost. Christ’s career ended in disappointment. Meanwhile, nobody was left to take the now vacant GM job. There certainly were some qualified candidates. David Knight, who is currently the GM of the Toronto Legion, was a man who many thought was next in line for the job of Canucks GM. That wouldn’t happen, though, and instead, the notorious Robbie Zimmers was brought into office.

”Jesus Christ, who was the GM at the time, was stepping down. He asked around the team to see who wanted the job, but no one really wanted it. I said I would do it, thinking I would only do it for 1-2 seasons before I got bored. Well, as we all know, that didn't happen.” – Robbie Zimmers

In Season 6, the Hamilton Canucks endured perhaps the worst season in VHL history with a disgraceful record of 5-66-1, for a total of 11 points on the season. The fans reacted negatively to this utterly poor performance, and simply stopped showing up to home games altogether. There were games where the attendance was below 1,000 people, and most of them were fans of the other team who were looking to watch a blowout. Zimmers, a man who lived in the spotlight, took this as an insult and decided that Hamilton’s unsuccessful VHL tenure was over, and that it was time for the team to move. Setting his sights on the biggest stage of them all, he moved the franchise to New York, and the New York Americans were born. To this day, Zimmers has no regrets about moving the franchise, and has some harsh words for Steeltown.


The Canucks became the Americans after Season 6

”I moved the team because Hamilton sucks. It’s a shit hole city and I thought: ‘why not move the team to one of the biggest markets out there?’ “ – Robbie Zimmers

In Season 7, Zimmers started to bring together these players of questionable backgrounds and began to build his legacy as a general manager in the VHL. I could go through all 3 of the peak Shortbus years 1 by 1, but I figure that you, the reader, do not need me to do that as you can easily check that out for yourself. Instead, I will outline some of the central figures of this team and why they received the hate that they received in their time.

I feel like I need to begin with the Dubnikov brothers. Andrei, the older brother, only spent 1 season on the Shortbus, but consistently received criticism from people around the league for being immature and starting feuds where there was no need to do so. He was also known for not being a very good performer during practice, and was consistently criticized for showing little improvement over the seasons. Also, he tried to start many independent leagues in direct competition with the VHL, all of which have failed. To this day, he continues to make new leagues, but instead of competing with the VHL, he now wishes simply to co-exist with it. It was easy to dislike Andrei, as he made himself an easy target for criticism and satire, and didn’t seem to learn from it.

Dragged into this mess was brother Pavel, who was a Shortbus team member throughout its 3 peak years. Unfortunately, Pavel was never able to find his game during that period, and was then called out not only for being a Dubnikov, but for also being an unimpressive player on the ice. What really soured Pavel to the rest of the VHL? He was an old school, Russian nationalist, believing in Communism and proclaiming it to be a good solution to the problems we see in Capitalist countries today. Naturally, this was met with a lot of heat as well because it was an uncommon viewpoint, especially coming from someone so young, who was not around to see the days of true Communism back in his home country of Russia.

”It was a long time ago, and I don't remember a lot of the heat we got, but I do know that if one of us did something wrong, or immature, then we were both going to take the heat for it. It was unfair, but that was how it was and we didn't exactly do anything to change it. – Pavel Dubnikov

Despite the critics, the younger Dubnikov remained loyal to the team throughout its years of struggle and strife. Where others only saw stupidity, uselessness, and futility, Pavel Dubnikov saw shelter, understanding, and empathy. Imagine being a player coming all the way over to New York City from Russia, barely knowing any English, not knowing anyone but his own brother. Naturally, being criticized right off the bat for your views is something that can be a bit intimidating. Because of this, Pavel remained in New York where there were others like him, who had come under fire. With them, he felt like he belonged.

”I didn't know many people, in the game or out of it so I felt I had to stick with the few people who showed any respect towards me. I didn't get along with everyone, but I felt they respected me and I was part of a team. Maybe I was wrong, but I felt that they were the only people in the entire league who would respect me. – Pavel Dubnikov


The Dubnikov brothers

Another big name in the Shortbus era was Fabian Brunnstrom. Brunnstrom was originally drafted by Hamilton, but was traded to Avangard much to his displeasure. The Swede was very vocal about not wanting to join the Havoc, but eventually pulled through and won a Continental Cup with the team in Season 7. After that, however, he went back to New York, the franchise that drafted him, for Seasons 8 and 9 of the Shortbus era. It was the aforementioned temper tantrum that really made Brunnstrom look bad in the eyes of the VHL public, and once you do something like that, you don’t live it down for a long time, and people find even more reasons to hate you. Brunnstrom, however, was a consistently strong player, and is even a member of the VHL’s exclusive Triple Crown club (Founder’s Cup, Continental Cup, World Cup Gold Medal). In retrospect, he’s definitely had a successful career, but did that earn him people’s respect? Since that incident, it seems everything he’s done had earned him some heat from his biggest critics, and he’s been unable to escape it. Even with the hate, he still chose to willingly return to New York in the middle of the Shortbus era.

” Brandon Best, the Co-GM of the Americans at the time, had very good plans for what he wanted to do with the team and after a lot of discussions with him, I felt we could build a championship-caliber team in New York. Unfortunately, Robbie Zimmers had a say in what happened as well, and that made things more difficult to do. In the end, we were just a middling team, trading away our draft picks and being stuck behind two better teams in our conference. – Fabian Brunnstrom

Sergei Trepanov only spent most of one season with the team during this period, but he was one of the main figures of the Shortbus when it first began. I don’t remember too much about what Trepanov was like in terms of off-ice personality, but he was fat and Jewish, which made him an easy target for any VHLer looking for someone to pick on, myself included. On the ice, however, he was very good and managed to put up a 117-point seasons as a member of the Americans. Also only spending one season – season 7 - with the team was Alex Kachur, who is really only known for making a “death threat” towards Lennowitcz Schalkwinzz (who, coincidentally, also played for New York for a small portion of season 7). Other than that, there is not much to note about Alex Kachur, other than the fact that people probably thought he fit the Shortbus mold very well because of that one incident.

Edward Eldred was a journeyman player who started out as a member of the early dynasty Calgary Wranglers. It is rumored that he was one of the players who got into a confrontation with Brett Slobodzian and caused, in addition to Slobodzian’s injury, the legend’s premature retirement. Eldred carried that stigma for a while, often receiving hate for ruining the beloved Slobodzian’s career, and was also thought to be a good fit in New York’s Shortbus team, where he stayed for 2 seasons. A final player we’ll look at is Cole Hagstrom. Hagstrom was disliked not so much because of what he did while he was in the VHL, but more because of what he did before he came to the VHL. There was one rumor where he was said to have been behind the collapse of one of Sandro Desaulniers’ (Fabian Brunnstrom’s agent) leagues, and also claimed to have taken heroin at one point in his life. This, naturally, got some of the VHL’s wittier members to come out and poke fun at him for it.


Cole Hagstrom

Still, amidst these characters, there were some good guys who were in New York during the Shortbus era that may have gotten lumped in with the group simply by association. The aforementioned Schalkwinzz, Shawn Crowley, Ilya Kliment, Kevin Francis, and Markus Lidstrom were among those who spent some time for the Shortbus Americans during those rough years. However, two names stand above the rest as being truly persevering. The New York Americans drafted Kyle McLeod in season 7 when top draft choices Layken Heidt and Torsten Schwartz both went on record to say they would not play for New York. McLeod quietly went about his business for the 3 Shortbus seasons in New York as he developed into one of the game’s premier defensemen without anybody noticing. McLeod would eventually go on to win a Continental Cup with the Riga Reign.

”If anyone was unfairly lumped into that group, it was Brandon Best. He's a great guy, he knew what we needed to do to build that team, and as soon as ownership got rid of Zimmers, he turned the franchise around into one of the best in the league for the last 10 seasons. – Fabian Brunnstrom

Indeed, if there was one big loser during the Shortbus area, it was Brandon Best. Best acted more as a consultant to Robbie Zimmers during that era, and was consistently one of New York’s best players throughout his tenure with the team. Despite that, not only were his accomplishments ignored, but he was also lumped into the Shortbus category by outsiders to the team, and written off as being just like the rest of them. Surely Best had said some things that were less than acceptable, but probably none more than your average league member. It was simply because of his status as a “Shortbus member” that caused his slip-ups to be worse. In the end, Best would get the last laugh, as he’d eventually help the Americans to a Continental Cup in Season 14, though not as a player. His client, Brandon Azevedo, was there to win the Cup as a player, but Best’s hard work was not to be disregarded.

Still, it all comes back to Robbie Zimmers. Rumors swirled around the league grapevine about whether this gathering of the peanut gallery was intentional or not. Everyone had his own theory. Many thought that “it was Robbie”, and therefore it was absolutely intentional. Others thought that “it was Robbie”, and therefore he was bound to be a terrible general manager. Either way, the team was put together as such and performed as it did, receiving critical remarks along the way.

”I think at the start, he was just doing what he thought was best. However, as time went on and he realized how horrible his moves were, he decided to have some fun with it. I have to blame the league here as they didn't step in quickly enough to stop his stupidity, but alas, it would have been impossible to argue that he was doing the moves to intentionally hurt his team.” – Pavel Dubnikov


Robbie Zimmers at one his legendary parties

Essentially, Robbie’s reputation around the league made it impossible for people to determine whether Robbie was truly trying to turn this team into one of the worst organizations that any sports league has ever seen, or whether he was simply an idiot who had no idea how to manage a team and was given a role he was unsuitable for. Robbie, however, seems to have a pretty good idea of how things went down.

”I did it on purpose. Just by being around the league, everyone knew who the "undesirables" were, so I went around asking about those players. When I assembled them, I thought we had a good team, not a great one, but a good one. I didn't care if the team contended for a playoffs spot or not. I just sat back and let my core group of guys do and say what they wanted.” – Robbie Zimmers

Where a lot of people seem to go wrong is when they say that the Shortbus was a terrible team. This wasn’t overly true. They never made the playoffs, but they never even finished last in their own conference. From season 7 to season 9, they finished 3rd in the conference. Surely they were not a great team, but they were not a horrible team either. A lot of people associate the Shortbus not just with bad personalities, but with bad players also. The players on that team, while often annoying, were rather talented, and had as much pride in themselves as anyone else did. It was only natural to assume that they wouldn’t play the loser role if they didn’t have to.

”I would like to think that it was the worst team ever because I built that team to suck. I really didn't give a shit. Hell, I would make trades just for the fuck of it. I would trade 1st round picks like they were candy. I was trying to see how much the league could take before they stepped in and said "ok Robbie, you’re fired", but that didn't happen. I was allowed to do whatever I wanted with that team. In the end, my boredom with the job caught up with my passion for fucking around. I announced I was going to step down, and handed the team over to Brandon. The only reason why I stepped down was because, at that point, I was completely bored of the job and I didn’t even have the passion to even make dumb trades on purpose.” – Robbie Zimmers

With the way Robbie handled his team, it wouldn’t surprise me if the players on that team lost their motivation to perform. They were pawns used by Robbie to gain even more notoriety. However, at the same time, I would be just as unsurprised if this only served to motivate them more. According the Fabian Brunnstrom, the locker room, which one would expect to be hectic and filled with stupidity, was actually rather calm and nice.

”You'd think that with all the faces in there that weren't well-received by the general public, it would be a mess. However, the locker room wasn't that bad. There were one or two guys that came along that people would get into fights with, but it was really never an issue in the locker room. Most of us got along quite well in there. It was frustrating to be stuck in hockey limbo, so to speak. To be honest, I think the media created the Shortbus, and they ran with it and blew it up. There were some maturity issues on that team and we decided we'd run with it as well, and it just blew up for us.” – Fabian Brunnstrom


Grimm Jonsson

Though Robbie Zimmers will say that the Shortbus era ended when he stepped down, and he’s not wrong, I believe it truly ended with the arrival of Grimm Jonsson. Grimm Jonsson, managed by Sterling Labatte, was one of the most respected people in the league, and for him to go there was a major statement made by the Icelandic youngster – that statement was that changes needed to be made to save this flailing franchise from being ruined beyond the point of repair.

”It was piss poor when I got there, to be honest. We had very few players and voices in the locker room. I wasn't even welcomed to the team with so much as a personal message. I wasn't offered a contract for days, and it wasn't a good start. Moreover, the reputation of the franchise was enough to make a fella want to quit before he even started. I tried to bring a more welcoming atmosphere in from there on out. – Grimm Jonsson

It was a difficult task, but Jonsson, along with Brandon Best, would help orchestrate an amazing comeback for the franchise. Eventually, a non-name goalie named Vase Trikamaki was drafted to the team and would eventually become the general manager there after the Jonsson/Best era ended. It was due to these guys that New York was able to recover from the Shortbus days and ended up finally winning a Continental Cup – they were the last franchise to do so.

”It seems that at some point in the VHL's history, the league was divided into the "cool" guys and the guys considered annoying by these "cool" guys. Robbie Zimmers collected all of those "annoying guys" into one team and chaos ensued. It definitely hurt New York's reputation for seasons to come, even when they won the Continental Cup. It was really sad how a few stupid decisions and personalities ruined a franchise. – Vase Trikamaki

I don’t intend to make Zimmers out to be some evil villain, despite the fact that he seems to enjoy that role very much. Zimmers could have been a solid GM if he really tried to do what was best for the team. Unfortunately, he found the option of “messing around” the be more appealing, and it cost some players a lot of opportunities at success. In my opinion, Robbie Zimmers is likely the worst VHL GM of all time, and I’m not alone in thinking that.

”I would love to say that I was the best GM ever, because even though I didn't really care about the team and winning, I stuck around and my antics made the league fun. All joking aside, though, if I'm not the worst GM in VHL history, then I would be upset.” – Robbie Zimmers

In retrospect, it’s difficult to determine whether or not the franchise was truly worthy of its Shortbus moniker. I’m inclined to say it was, because many of the personalities involved with the team at that time were rather close to what they were accused of being. However, everyone sees people differently. We aren’t all the same, and because some guys acted differently than the norm, we felt we had the right to lump them together and essentially refer to them as mentally disabled. It was fun to make fun of them, but it was at the expense of these players, and I give a ton of credit to the agents who have stuck around despite the criticism. Personally, I’m not sure I could say the same if I were in that same position, but thankfully, I never was.

End of part 10
Special thanks to Pavel Dubnikov, Fabian Brunnstrom, Grimm Jonsson, Vase Trikamaki, and Robbie Zimmers

 

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Holy shit this is hilarious hahahahaha