Gregg Stallion Rescues Ferry from Pirates

[SweatyBeaver 132]

Marc LeGros, The Belgian Bugle

 

Vancouver Wolves forward Gregg Stallion was thrilled to have a weekend off in his rookie season. He had originally planned to just sit back and relax in his cramped apartment that he spent half of his yearly salary living in. But after hearing Wolves gm Keaton Louth never stop talking about the beauty of Vancouver Island and specifically Victoria and how it was so much better than the city of Vancouver Stallion’s interests were piqued. So early on Saturday morning Stallion rode out to the Tsawwassen ferry terminal and boarded the 7:30am ferry to spend the weekend enjoying all of the things to see and do in Victoria.

 

Unfortunately for Stallion and the rest of the people aboard the Queen of Victoria this was not going to be simple ferry ride to Swartz bay. At approximately 8:05am when the Queen of Victoria was between Galiano Island and Mayne Island a fleet of sailboats emerged from behind the rocks in the narrow strait and began to quickly surround the ferry. The flagship ‘Seas the Day’ floated to the the bow of the Ferry. A man in a tattered pink polo shirt and khaki shorts stepped to the front of his awfully named sailboat and began to speak into a megaphone. “My name is Wesley Higgington the Third and we are the Fortune 500 Yacht Club Pirates.” The other predominantly white businessmen on the other yachts began to politely clap at hearing their gang introduced.

 

Several harpoons shot into the hull of the Queen of Victoria causing the ferry to be stuck and at the mercy of the Fortune 500Yacht Club Pirates. The white collar terrors of the sea began to clamber up this ropes and boarded the ferry that was at their mercy. The Queen of Victoria’s captain was quickly captured and brought in front of Wesley Higgington the Third. “Why are you doing this?” The worried captain asked the pirates that had taken over his ship. The Pirates brought out a projector and began to share information the only way that their white collar selves knew how to and presented a finely crafted powerpoint that they had an intern make. The powerpoint clearly illustrated through graphs and spreadsheets that they were a yacht club out of Yacht Haven on San Juan Island located on the American side of the Canadian-American Pacific border. Before the border between the two countries had closed the Yacht Club had decided to sail over to the Canadian side of the border to enjoy a day of deep sea fishing. Unfortunately for them the border was shut during their trip and because they had illegally entered Canada they were not allowed to return to America nor go on land in Canada. “We have been stranded here for months, forced to eat peasant food, like bass.” Wesley summarized. The other businessmen booed and hissed. “We are taking this ferry and using it to smuggle ourselves onto land and to find a 5 star resort for us to recover at.”

 

The Queen of Victoria’s captain was in disbelief at what he was hearing, the elite 1% of the American west coast had taken over his ship and he was at their mercy. “You can’t do this!” He stammered looking around at the displeased pirates who were sunburned and wearing worn out clothing. “I-I’m the captain of this sh-” Wesley quickly placed his hand over the mouth of the Captain. “Look at me! I am the captain now” Wesley looked back at his colleagues who gave him thumbs up to continue. “This is my ship, I am the captain!” Wesley thought he was being original and creative with his speech and felt a great deal of pride in it.

 

In the passenger section of the ship Gregg Stallion along with the rest of the passengers and crew were getting guided into the front of the ship. Stallion had spent the last couple of nights rewatching the die hard movies and being in a situation like this made him feel the urge to become an action hero and save the passengers and crew from the Fortune 500 Pirates. As they passed by the kitchen areas Stallion snuck to the side of the group and subtly dived behind a bush out of view of the entitled pirates. One of the Pirates, Chad “The Codfather” Jefferson saw something move behind the group and stopped as the group left him. The Codfather was brandishing a filleting knife as he looked through the bushes that surrounded the kitchen area. “Here fishy fishy..” He growled as Stallion tried to get around behind him. As the Codfather was getting closer Stallion made a risky move and dove into the kitchen that had been vacated.

 

“Gotcha!” The Codfather yelled as he chased after Stallion into the kitchen. Stallion quickly looked around the kitchen and spotted that the deep fryer was still boiling. He grabbed a metal bowl and filled it with the boiling oil. When the Codfather triumphantly burst into the kitchen he was shocked to see Stallion standing in front of him holding a metal. “Looks like fried cod is on the menu tonight.” Stallion said embracing his inner action hero. He threw the bowl of boiling oil into the face of the Codfather and what happened to the Codfather is far too explicit and disturbing to be in a family article like this.

 

Stallion crawled up into the air ducts of the ferry and began to methodically ambush and incapacitate some of the worlds most successful business moguls as he worked to free the ship from the grasp. Stallion’s face was covered with grease and his shirt was torn and soaked in sweat. He knew that in order to ultimately save the day he had to take down the captain of the Fortune 500 Pirates in order to free the ferry that was at the mercy of the desperate businessmen.

 

Stallion slowly crawled his ways through the ducts until he heard the unmistakable sound of idle corporate chatter as the pirates discussed their stock portfolios and how lame it was having to give employees raises. Wesley was standing in the middle of that group wearing a captains hat and showing some of his friends pictures from his last fishing trip. Stallion was not much of a fighter but he was a hockey player. Stallion burst from the air ducts and stylishly landed in front of Wesley and his other colleagues. “The only thing that you are catching today, is my fist in your face.” Stallion smiled at how cool that sounded and he was sure that the Pirates were very intimidated.

 

Stallion immediately rushed to the pirates and delivered a solid shoulder check to the face of an unfortunate CEO. The other pirates charged towards Stallion while Wesley backed away from the commotion. Stallion proceeded hip check one of the pirates over the ledge and off the ferry and then grabbed a near by broom and cross checked the other businessmen in the face. Wesley grabbed another broom and assumed a fencing pose. “You don’t stand a chance, I go fencing everyday, it is great exercise.” Stallion glared at Wesley as the two opponents squared each other up. Wesley made the first lunge as he poked his broom gently towards Stallion. Stallion, however had opted for a slap shot to Wesley’s face and hit him clean across the jaw sending a couple of his teeth spilling to the deck as he flew back towards the railing and over it. He screamed as he fell off the ferry and in quite frankly a miraculous coincidence a humpback whale had jumped out of the water and ended up swallowing Wesley whole and conveniently sunk half of the hostile sailboats.

 

The remaining pirates fled and dove off of the ship into the ocean leaving Stallion victorious and the Queen of Victoria free. The ferry ended up completing its route and Stallion got to enjoy the day in the beautiful city of Victoria and began to try and sell his story to movie producers to star in a die hard spin off movie.

 

1300 words

Edited August 4, 2020 by SweatyBeaver

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