Gregg Stallion Accidentally Starts A Second Vancouver Riot

[SweatyBeaver 132]

“2011 was honestly the best year.” Vancouver Wolves forward Gregg Stallion told a friend at a downtown Vancouver coffee shop. Stallion was referring to his eighth-grade school year where he made many cherished memories and lifelong friends, however upon hearing those words the coffee shop became eerily quiet.

 

 

Stallion continued talking to his friend while completely oblivious to the tension filled coffee shop. “I got to see the Bruins and it was incredible, they were my favourite.” Stallion said referring to an amazing field trip to the Brussels Zoo where Stallion saw many kinds of bears, which he called Bruins.

 

 

“The twins sure were unbearable though, I am glad they lost.” Stallion again said speaking about the Winchusky twins that Stallion had won a bet against in eighth grade. At that point many of the customers began hissing and yelling unintelligibly. 

 

 

The tension in the coffee shop was filled to maximum as the customers were once again filled with the anger that they had been filled with a decade ago. A large tattooed man slowly walked towards Stallion and stood over him, cracking his knuckles while listening to the oblivious Stallion continue his conversation. “To be honest, every time I heard Chelsea Dagger I was in love.” That statement was the straw the broke the camels back as the man let out a guttural scream and then literally attempted to break Stallion’s back knocking Stallion unconscious in the process. Had the man asked he would have found out the Chelsea Dagger was Stallion’s grade eight crush who had an incredible singing voice, but the damage was done.

 

 

Soon people were screaming and smashing the windows of the coffee shop and poured out onto the street to flip cars over, light small businesses on fire and make out in the middle of the street. Much of the Vancouver populace was filled with the uncontrollable desire to join in as well and soon the entire city was rioting for no reason other than a misunderstanding that reopened wounds that had never healed.

 

 

“Last time we said that the rioting was the fault of visitors, but…I guess rioting is just in the DNA of Vancouver.” A local rioter said before being tackled and pepper sprayed by the RCMP.

 

 

Stallion awoke hours later to find millions of dollars in property damage around him, police everywhere and thousands of ‘Riot Challenge’ videos on TikTok that the people surely will regret within a day. "Vancouver is a weird place" he muttered to himself before paying for his coffee and leaving the smoldering wreckage of the coffee shop.

 

 

 

Edited September 17, 2020 by SweatyBeaver