The Leaked Plot of Gregg Stallion's New Movie

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Coming to a theatre near you: The story of a man whose blood alcohol concentration is consistently hovering at the .60% mark. A man who defied every obstacle put in his way by an oppressive society who wished to hide his talent. A man who would single-handedly unite a nation and tear down all barriers that divided people.

 

 

The Revolution on Ice. The Story of Gregg Stallion. (Written and Directed by Gregg Stallion.)

 

 

Set in a dystopian Belgium where everyone must farm flaxseed or die. One man would dare to question the authority of this corrupt government. His name is Gregg Stallion (Dwayne Johnson with a wig and horrible accent) and together with a mysterious agent who has no character development other than to be his love interest. (Some attractive woman who would look great on a poster) They will be thrust into a world of intrigue and deceit as they work to take down the evil ruler of Belgium (Betty White.)

 

 

Gregg Stallion is a farmer like everyone else in this dystopian Belgium but one day a helicopter containing agent Ruby Soleil crashes into his field. Despite clearly being a highly capable agent Ruby does nothing except need Gregg Stallion’s heroic help to help her escape from the evil Queen Marie Antoinetty (original character.) Ruby takes Gregg to the secret base of the resistance who have realized that there is more to life than just growing flax. The resistance is lead by Commander Bradley “Brad” Bradshaw (Danny DeVito) a grizzled war vet missing an entire quarter of his face.

 

 

Brad tells Gregg that for some reason he is now the resistance’s only hope and he will be sent on a daring mission with Ruby even though there is clearly no chemistry between them asides from being the male and female leads. Surrounding Belgium is a forcefield and thousands of kilometers of ice trapping the inhabitants and it just so conveniently happens that Gregg’s great grandfather taught him how to skate before he was executed in front of Gregg (very emotional flashback.)

 

 

Gregg and Ruby will skate over the ice to reach the forcefield control center and take down the forcefield allowing the people to escape. A lot of explosions and quips occur until the forcefield is destroyed. Gregg and Ruby return and together with Brad create skates for all the oppressed Belgian people and teach them to skate in underground arenas.

 

 

The evil government has tried its bust to quell the rebellion, but it could not stop Gregg and through he has become the face of the rebellion despite only just joining. Gregg and Ruby kiss out of nowhere and then it is the finale.

 

 

All of Belgium rises and puts on their skates in a desperate attempt to escape. Queen Marie executes Brad on TV in a last-minute attempt to scare the rebels. But it is too late as Gregg leads the escape from the one-dimensional villainess. Many die in the escape as they are shot at from helicopters and snowmobiles from the government agents until finally, they make it to the edge of the free land of Estonia.

 

 

During the escape, Gregg and Marie have an intense fight in which all of the sudden Gregg is hopelessly weak against a foe he should beat in order to up the intensity. When all seems lost Ruby shoots Marie but it is done in a way where you don’t know who shot the gun and who has just been shot even though anyone over the age of 5 knows the villain got shot. Ruby and Gregg once again kiss as the music swells and explosions erupt way too close to them but they do not care.

 

 

Gregg saves Belgium and is immortalized as the hero and receives all the credit and is super popular and can drink all the whisky that he wants. The End.

 

 

Gregg Stallion’s movie ended up on the Hulu streaming service and was the first movie to receive a negative rating on Rotten Tomatoes who states; “As if 2020 was not bad enough we have this putrid, revolting and insulting movie made by someone who is way too in love with themselves.”

 

 

Despite the negative reviews it has done well because of their being nothing to watch and Stallion has announced that he is writing a sequel called; 2 Gregg 2 Stallion. He hopes to introduce the Stallionverse by the end of it.

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Always enjoy a great Gregg Stallion article. Peak hilariousness