SlapshotWrangler

Alright, this is going to be the weirdest version of the Victory Hockey League yet. I call it the UHL; the Unhinged Hockey League! First things first, we are going to change how teams work. Every week at random, teams will protect 6 players. Then every Sunday of the week, the unprotected players will enter a dispersal draft. That’s right, EVERY SINGLE UNPROTECTED PLAYER. And this will take place every week. Genius right? Gone are the days of people claiming star players were carried by a strong team. Gone are the days of thinking about how good the team in front of them was when it comes to goalie awards! Next, we are removing the 5v3 limit of power plays. That’s right, in some god forbidden world, a team can take 5 penalties and it will be a 5v0 power play for the other team. Actually, screw it. Whenever goalies are penalized, they have to go in the box themselves, goalie gear and all. If your backup and starter both take penalties one after another, you have no goalie! Send your biggest defensemen to try and play goalie with no pads. This will ensure a cleaner game. Or it will turn into a nightmare. Who cares? To keep the fun of hockey in the Unhinged Hockey League, we will also be implementing a ‘boring rule’. If there are no fights, goals, or big saves made every 5 minutes, each team will play rock paper scissors. The winner gets a goal added to the scoresheet. Also, in order to ensure that goalies will never have a shutout again (we hate it when there are no goals in the UHL), if a team has 0 goals allowed at the end of regulation, the other team just wins! That’s right, if your goalie has a generational performance, they just lose. Isn’t that just splendid? Hockey is a beautiful sport and it is unlike any other sport. Maybe too unlike any other sport. Introducing the three point line! If a goal is scored past the three point line (which will be located in the middle of the top of the faceoff circle and the blueline), then you get FOUR points! Why is it called the three point line? Because we think it’s fun. We also will be adding a field goal from American football. If you can lift the puck over it, that is half a point. Yes, it will be an actual regulation size NFL field goal. We also believe the fans should be involved! At the first intermission, the fans will decide between three new rules that they can add to the game. Rule 1 is switching the puck for a balloon for the first 10 minutes of the game. Rule 2 is activating sudden death goalie elimination! What does that mean? If a goalie allows a goal, they are ejected from the game. Yes, this includes goals from the rock paper scissors matches. Trust me, it’s great! Rule 3 is that three players are ejected and are replaced by three random fans selected by a random number generator. With these new changes, we hope the VHL will continue to advance and bring joy to the hockey community! God bless us all!

HOUSTON - Raimo Tuominen has been in the VHLM for a bit and is taking in his first season in the VHL system. Coming from SM-Liiga, Raimo has kept the same jersey number from his time with Tappara. Before wearing the 44 that he wore with Tappara and now wears with Houston, Raimo was the number 8. “It’s not much of a surprise but growing up, Teemu was THE man. He went from a Finnish hockey champion to an NHL legend. This man single handedly saved Jokerit, got Finland a silver medal in the olympics, won Finnish and NHL championships, set a bunch of Anaheim scoring records, had the best rookie season in NHL history, had a long career even after all his knee problems- you get the gist. Teemu Selanne was our guy. Makes sense that he would be my favourite player. I wanted to be a goal scorer as dynamic as he was and a player who was just as resilient. Still do,” Raimo commented. “Naturally, I wanted to rep his number 8.” Then, when he went to Tappara, the number was retired in honour of SM-Liiga’s all-time leading scorer, Janne Ojanen. Ojanen had played most of his career playing for Tappara. As a young prospect, there was no way he was going to get the number. So, he just chose 44. “4 plus 4 is 8. I wanted to keep some reference to the number 8 because of how much success it brought me. I’m quite the superstitious type,” Raimo admitted.

1. Well, I'll go with 6 for now. Definitely would have to be DarkSpyro, Rookie745, Banackock, Gooningitup (if he was still active), AJW, and Jubis. 2. I would make a really good goalie and be sure to be active with him. I have a soft spot for goalies but I also believe that a good goalie can help stabilize teams regardless of where they are in the standings. 3. My plan is to get guys who are active. An active starting goalie is great then I can settle for an inactive backup over a bot. I'd then go for really good defensive defensemen with maybe one offensively successful. Then when it comes to forwards, the hands I am dealt are what I get and I'll try to make lines out of them that are efficiency. 1) Choose a VHL team and then compare it with an NHL team! I do not have a preference in what aspect, just make a comparison! 2) What is the most timeless VHL (can include logos from the VHLE and VHLM) logo in your opinion? 3) Congrats, you have successfully revolted and taken over the ownership of the Victory Hockey League! Now that you have overthrown the BoG, what is your new name for the league? Will be claimed on Week Ending July 9th

1. Well, he's contributing so I did expect that much. I am a bit surprised by how inconsistent he is, however, as long as the team is winning and he is contributing, I don't have too much to complain about. We've got a hella deep team and it's great. 2. It's great having fellow rookie Martin Kemp with Raimo because Kemp is a natural scorer and Raimo is just sorta doing whatever. It's awesome to see Raimo with Grunkle and Kemp. 3. I think we stack up fine against them. I have confidence in this team and we're doing so well even though most of us aren't maxed out. When we are all maxed out as the season continues, it'll definitely be interesting to see. As of now, I think we stack up against Mexico City just fine. 4. One thing I think the VHL is missing is Asian city teams. That would be fun. Also, I'm a bit biased considering I'm asian myself. 5. As a Flames fan, I'm keeping an eye on the free agent frenzy but also the draft. I have a feeling we may be seeing a few trades (mostly players leaving Calgary) during the draft, if Conroy is anything like Brad Treliving. 6. I would say 2 days tops if left uncovered. If it is covered though, I'd probably say about a week. Usually if I don't taste anything weird in the water, I'll drink it regardless.

Game 137 - Moscow Menace vs Toronto Legion Normally, I'd try to come up with some sort of plotline for the game. Or at the very least, some narrative device that I would mention at the beginning that would have no real impact on the importance of the game. However, I just thought this was a fun game to watch. Oh wait, there is a narrative device. This game featured the Toronto Legion, last place in the North American conference, going against the Moscow Menace, tied for second in the European conference. Interestingly though, the shots on goal count favour Toronto by 10; the count being 31-21. The first period featured great defense from both sides, with neither side allowing a goal. Both teams limited high quality chances in their respective zones and the only scoresheet action we can see is TOR D3 taking a penalty. The first intermission came, with fans trying to draw the logos of both teams and failing miserably. Both logos are still awesome however. The second period began and Toronto struck quickly with Dens Oden potting one to give them a quick 1-0 lead. 4 minutes and 30 seconds later, Tomas Sogaard scored to tie up the game. It remained tied for a while until noted veteran TOR D10 scored, giving Toronto the lead. This was a great sight to see as TOR D10 is probably one of the longest tenured players in the league and has stuck with the team for so long, just seemed to struggle staying in the lineup and producing points. This was a breakthrough moment for Toronto as the next period, Phoebe Bridgers would extend the lead with what would be the eventual game winner. The Legion would hold on, only allowing one more goal from Tomas Sogaard. But it's Tomas Sogaard, what do you expect?

Game 66 - Oslo Storm vs Geneva Rush Oh man, seeing these two logos face head to head give me such nostalgia of when I first joined the VHL and these two teams were in the VHLM. It is always great to hear the words Storm vs Rush again. No time for nostalgia though, this is VHLE action and we got to see some great hockey in this close game between the two teams. The Geneva Rush outshot the storm 39-21; this can be approximated to almost twice as much shots than the Oslo Storm. The puck dropped for the first frame and despite a few chances, the most action that showed up on the scoreboard was a Rush penalty. Both teams shut down offensive opportunities and good quality chances were quite limited. Eventually, after a period of no scoring, the first intermission came along. The Rush mascot came out with a T-Shirt cannon. However, it ended up jamming and so they ended up bringing out an emergency T-Shirt slingshot instead. Most mascots would have just thrown them to be honest. Then there was a Geneva Rush trivia game between two fans. Funnily enough, the Oslo Storm fan won. Intermission ended and we got our first goal just before the 4:30 mark with Kobe Johnson scoring for Geneva. This gave the Rush a 1-0 lead for about 10 minutes before Alexander Stroheim scored, bringing us right back to where we started. The period ended and once again, neither team had a lead going into intermission. This intermission featured happy birthday wishes as well as a race between two mascots of local companies. Both faceplanted. In the third period, Dank Turtle was anything but slow as they gave the Rush a quick lead about 4 minutes in. Then Tullemore Dew followed shortly after; needing only 29 seconds after Turtle's goal. Eventually, the Storm would get a goal to cut it back to a 3-2 score courtesy of Braeden Panarella, however, that score would also be the final score. Geneva won.

HOUSTON - The Bulls have kicked off the season well and are hoping to continue maintaining their pace. Charging at their opponents at full speed, each individual player is contributing to the high-effort playstyle that the Bulls have adopted. With a deep forward lineup full of young talent, 4 stud defensemen, and Devon Giguere between the pipes, the Bulls are looking to improve as the season continues. They are aware that they have to build on what they have now and aim to grow from game to game. It has also proved to be a solid recovery for Raimo; encouraging after the slow start he had for the first few games of the series. Raimo Tuominen is a rookie playing in a line with Grunkle Stan-dingyouup and fellow rookie Martin Kemp. “I think they are excellent linemates. Probably the best linemates I’ve had in my career so far. We’re on the same page and we can find each other really well. Grunkle is such a great player on both ends and Martin Kemp is just a natural scorer. They are teaching me how to be better offensively and I can feel myself improving learning from them. I know I have a lot to learn and having two great guys to work with on a line is awesome.” On a deep team, he is learning how to play his role and is learning a lot from all of his teammates. “Just look at our team. We have guys like Kyle [Toms], Marty [Kemp], and Xiver [Zilla] potting the puck. Sev [Targaryen] just being so good all around. Jason [Lajeunesse Jr.] always gives us 100% effort and fights for the puck. Block, Jeb, Simons, and Harjen are killing it on the blueline. And Devon in between the pipes giving us big saves. We’ve got a lot more to do and the season is young but this is a great starting point.”

https://imgur.com/a/pRYBmai

@dstevensonjr F - Pete Mitchell my final pick

D - Biggie Cheese @KRZY

F - The Frenchman @dstevensonjr

G - Lachlan Summers @KRZY

GM 38 - Los Angeles Stars vs. D.C. Dragons This all-American matchup had the Stars up against the Dragons. L.A. vs D.C. The battle of the acronyms. It was the tale of two teams that had a record of 2-2-0. It was an interesting match with the Dragons outshooting the Stars 33-23; a ten shot on goal difference. In fact, they came out hot in the first period with 12 shots on goal over Los Angeles' 4 shots on goal. The offensive barrage in the first period was enough to get the Dragons on the board. With a power play goal, John Poremba Jr scored just past the 9 minute mark for the only marker in the first period. Then the first intermission came along, in which a game of bumper ball soccer took place on the ice. It was very entertaining. After witnessing the chaos that was bumper ball soccer, the D.C. faithful unfortunately got a harsh welcome back to the action with Nezuko scoring their first of the year and tying it up for the L.A. Stars. This period also proved to only have one goal. Los Angeles was able to outshoot D.C. in this frame. The second intermission featured the jumbotron trolling various Stars fans around the building as well as a quick hockey game between two local U12 hockey teams. The third period got underway; the game tied at 1-1. The Los Angeles Stars would get off to a hot start with Dabnad Shaw scoring just over two minutes in. The Dragons would respond with a barrage of shots, outshooting the Stars 15-10. However, Art Vandelay would remain strong in the crease and an empty net goal by the Stars' Jens Lekman to secure the win for the Los Angeles Stars with a score of 3-1.

C - Sirdsvaldis Miglaskems @dstevensonjr

GM 20 - Calgary Wranglers vs. Toronto Legion This all-Canadian matchup featured Calgary from the west and Toronto from the east duking it out early in the season. Puck dropped and just past the three minute and a half mark, Daniel Janser was the first to pot the puck on the power play. The goal from Janser gave the Wranglers the first goal of the game. There was no action until just past the eleven minute mark when Toronto tied it up on a power play of their own, courtesy of Phoebe Bridgers with their first of the year. Just over a minute after that goal, the Legion took the lead from a goal by Weenuk Warrior. The action would continue for a bit longer until Jimi Jaks would extend the Legion's lead just before the 16:30 mark of the first frame. Then the buzzer sounded and both teams went into their locker rooms for intermission. There were some first intermission hijinks, including the Legion mascot targeting unsuspecting Wranglers fans with water guns. Interestingly, the shots on goal for that period were fairly even: 12-11 in favour of the Legion. The shots were still fairly close in the second period: 8-6 in favour of the Wranglers. The second frame began with both teams seeming to cool down offensively. The most real action that appeared on the scoresheet was a Calgary penalty that was killed off. After the second period ended, the game was still 3-1 in favour of Toronto. More hijinks ensued in the second intermission with the Legion mascot tripping on the ice and fans forming a beer snake. Then in the third, the Legion outshot the Wranglers 13-9. The Legion got a gold from Weenuk Warrior, assisted by Jimi Jaks and Tater Tottingham. Tater had an assist trick with Weenuk's goal giving Tater that third apple. Doctors are currently terrified of Tater. No other goals would occur and the Legion would take the match with a 4-1 score.

1. I think the team is doing well. We are winning and I think that as we all slowly update we'll be set early in the season. 2. I do think that GMs have a good idea who to choose as captain and as assistants. I don't think I have ever had a moment where I disagreed with a GMs choice for the C's or A's. 3. Nothing gets the boys pumped up quite like Barbie Girl. Just ask David Pastrnak. 4. I would give a team to Alaska. I could be wrong but I don't think they have a VHLM, VHLE, or VHL team. Maybe the backstory can be Mystery-esque. 5. If I had to, I'd have to go with being an AGM for the Saskatoon Wild. Mostly because of my history with them. 6. A hobby I'd love to really get into is playing the drums. I am self-taught but I do hope to have the time to eventually take drum lessons.

D - Pierre Emile Bouchard @KRZY

HOUSTON - Raimo Tuominen’s rookie campaign in the VHLM has not been overly impressive in his first few games. With 2 assists, he seems to be playing okay. His plus/minus is at 0 which is not terrible but not great either. Raimo seems to be playing solidly but doesn’t seem to be making much of an impact on what is otherwise a stacked Houston team. However, he is extremely glad that the team is doing well. “I am a bit disappointed in myself for not playing my part but as long as the team is performing well, I am still pretty happy. I just hope to get going soon and find my rhythm. It’s been different from the European game; the smaller arena’s mean I have less margin for error and it’s just been different going up against such intense competition. We are all young guys scrapping for our change in the E or the Majors. I have a lot to learn. The Bulls have been excellent for me and I will definitely learn a lot from everyone on this team.” He said in a post game interview. “Lot of bigger opponents and also a lot of things I need to work on. I’m doing a lot of things decently. I want to be able to contribute to this team’s success as well. If I don’t end up doing too well individually though, I hope that the team does well. Team success over individual success anyday.”

https://imgur.com/uB7AwMD

I'll make another Bears graphic one day, gotta rep the Seattle boys hahahaha!

New York Americans vs. Malmo Nighthawks - Lottery Tournament Not exactly the tournament that people want to be in but when you are in it, you want to win it regardless. Kicking off the tournament, the Americans and the Nighthawks are going against each other. In the first period, the score was left untouched for the first 16:30 of the game until Zack Martinez potted it with assists from Jacob Stone and Hockley Mann. That was all that happened in the first period. Then after the first intermission, Malmo continued to go at it. New York took a penalty and sent the Nighthawks on the powerplay. Hockley Mann, who assisted earlier in the game, scored to extend Malmo's lead. That goal was assisted by Yaroslav Trunov and Jacob Stone; the latter with his second assist of the evening. Keeping the pressure up, Malmo extended the lead further in even strength with Reid Johnson getting a goal, assisted by Hockley Mann with his second assist of the night and Jacob Stone completing what I am dubbing the "Assist Trick". With Reid Johnson's goal, Malmo was up 3-0. New York took another penalty and Malmo capitalized. Malmo was up 4-0 due to a goal courtesy of Brodie Landry III, Yaroslav Trunov getting another apple while Hockley Mann had an "Assist Trick" of his own. There was no action in the third period as Malmo would win 4-0; Boris Tsezar with the shutout.

Mexico City Kings vs Philadelphia Reapers - Founders Cup Final Game 6 Mexico City is looking to win it all and lift the Founders Cup high. Philadelphia is looking to keep their championship hopes alive. Both teams definitely had this date circled on their calendars and both teams needed to bring their best for this one. A playoff elimination game is always tense for both sides. One team wants to finish the job while the other team is looking to live another day and regroup. This is the beauty of the VHLM playoffs. It's dramatic, it's tense, it's beautiful. This is what the playoffs are about. There was nothing but noise in the city of brotherly love. The Reapers needed to win here at home. For half of the first period, neither side could seem to get a tally until Zyn Westwood came in after about 10 minutes of play. Zyn's goal opened the scoring for the Reapers. A great way to start their fight for another chance. Going into the first intermission, Philly had the lead but then just past a minute and a half into the period, Mikko Borisyuk tied it up for the Kings. That was the only goal that period. During the rest of the second, neither team refused to give up an inch. There were no penalties and it was the period with the lowest shots on goal totals for both teams. It came down to the final frame. Mexico City was anxious to win this one. Philadelphia needed to win this one. Philly would get closer to their needed win with LeBen Aky scoring just before the 4-minute mark and giving the Reapers the lead. Both teams continued to fight for the W. The Kings needed one goal; the Reapers needed to stop them from getting it. Eventually, with 16 seconds remaining in the game, there was a goal. It was Zyn Westwood for the Reapers, securing their win.

1) I'm thinking Seattle (I'm guessing what happened in the Finals has made them want to win that much more), Davos, Calgary, and I'll throw in a bit of a curveball with Riga doing well next season. 2) I put in the minimum amount of vegetables. I'm satisfied with my lettuce and olives. 3) I'm personally a Raptors fan but I cheered for the Kings and Lakers in the playoffs just to spite Warriors fan. Hoping my boys in Toronto can rally around Scottie. 1) Which team do you think has the coolest designed logo in the VHL, VHLM, or VHLE? You can name multiple if you wish. 2) What is your players jersey number and what is the story behind it? 3) Congratulations! The VHLM is letting YOU decide what its next franchise is. What would the team name be and where would the team be located?

HOUSTON - Sitting at home with his family, Raimo was waiting to hear his name in the VHLM Dispersal Draft in order to kick off his time in the VHL system. He got the call from the Houston Bulls shortly after it was announced that he was picked. Soon, Raimo will be taking a flight from his home in Tampere and getting settled in Houston. It will be the first time that Raimo plays for a team outside of Finland but he couldn’t be more excited. “I am very happy to be a part of the Houston Bulls organization. The general manager and coaching staff seem to have a great vision for this season and I am looking forward to playing with my teammates in whatever role I may earn. I know that I am ready for the next step to professional hockey and I am confident that I can earn my keep in the VHLM.” Raimo said soon after being drafted. Houston will have 5 people in the upcoming S90 draft class. These players include Raimo Tuominen, Martin Kemp, Yves Lafleur, Xiver Xilla, and Harjen Van Araken. These young players will all be looking to make a name for themselves. “It’s good to see a mix of veterans and fellow rookies. We can bring energy and spunk to the ice while the veterans teach us the ropes and make sure we are playing responsible hockey. I am excited to see how things go. It doesn’t really need to be said but all of us in the locker room have our eyes on the championship. We want to win. We need to win."

https://imgur.com/z5audb6 Alright, should I post my Nighthawks graphic or my Americans graphic next week?