SackButter

Game 17 - Saskatoon Wild vs. Mississauga Hounds Mississauga started the season getting beaten like Golden Corral buffet when Joey Chestnut comes to town but tonight was different. William Wallace yelled a brace of Freedoms in the first period to get the Hounds out to a 3-1 lead with von Braun finding the net once as well. The second period was more strategic with Crazy Tomato causing the Hounds to see red with the only goal in the Period. The third period found the Hounds getting back on track outscoring the Wild 2-1 for a final score of 5-3 Hounds. The 3 stars were 1 - William Wallace (MIS) 2 - Kierian Carr (MIS) 3 - Sylvia Davis (SSK) We will wait and see how these teams start improving throughout the season.

1. What's up, Marauders?! The VHLM draft has come and gone, and we have some new faces on the team...Welcome to Miami! Are you excited for the season to begin already? - I am looking forward to playing and since my girlfriend is from Tampa, Miami seemed like the place to play. Plus I can visit the BitCoin conference on the off-season. 2. We've got some serious competition out there. How are we feeling about our roster? (Link to see our current roster -> Miami Marauders Roster) - I am optimistic. We have good balance and have a good chance to be competitive. 3. What kind of build are you going for your player? - My favorite player in the Show is Victor Hedman so I wanted to go with a defense-first blue liner. 4. What's your player's pre-game ritual? - Well I start with 2nd breakfast, the brunch, the late tea, then lunch, then potato lunch with elf bread and finally some pizza rolls. 5. Do you have any New Year's resolutions? - Save money and travel more. 6. What is your go-to meal or food to make? - Homemade tacos or chili.

After two big wins to start the season, the Marauders lost two close ones. They did manage to get points despite the losses. There are bright spots to build on. The Marauder netminders has surrendered the least goals in the Eastern Conference and have kept the team right at the top of the goal differential tied with the lightning fast Ottawa Lynx. On offense Bruhmaninho is lighting up the nets early and often. Elf Shoes is a hitting machine so far. Joe Scho is far from average with his all-around contributions. On the Blue Line, P. Ennis is always a solid member. He blocks more than the rest of the team combined. Probably. Gul Dukat got his first goal last night and is very intimidating to look at. I mean really. His forehead looks like it has taken hundreds of puck impacts. Bilbo Teebaggins looks like he has gotten lucky once or twice but is still softer than 10-ply toilet paper. The Marauders still have played in winnable games which looks like they have potential to have a good year. They might need another d-man with a bag of knuckles in front of the goalies to make a big push for the playoffs.

Bilbo Teebaggins never really fit in. His mother was 3’3” and his father, tall for a hobbit was 3’9. As you can imagine, it was a surprise to the village when Bilbo grew to 6’3”. He had to sleep in the barn growing up because his forehead took a terrible beating on door frames. He spent years on the farm working the scythe in the wheat fields as he could clear the fields many times faster than the average shireperson. In his free time he would use the scythe to hit stones on an orc outline he drew on the barn. Eventually he got so good he could hit the orc from 50 feet away. He went on the youth pilgrimage and saw the barn of the Harrowdale Orc Slayers, the reigning champions of Middle Earth Hockey (MEH for short). Being that he was 3 feet taller than the biggest blue liner on the team, they trimmed his foot hair, put him in skates and signed him to a contract. He did not lead the league in penalty minutes as the other players decided they would take it easy on him and his battle hardened forehead. He did manage to be the main reason that the Orc Slayers finished the season with a goals against average of 0.83. He made the All-Hobbit team every year he played and eventually the Hobbit Hall of Fame. When he decided to retire from the MEH, his skates went into the Hall of Fame with many hobbit children getting their pictures taken while standing in them. Then the year he retired the Orc Slayers lost over half their games. Bilbo decided he was not just another Teebaggins and that he would come out of retirement to help his team regain their glory. Just as the season was about to start with a newly motivated Teebag at the helm, this whole Mordor thing erupted and Bilbo grabbed his bag and volunteered to go to battle for his people. He struck down many orcs with his patented scythe shot technique honed all those years ago on the farm. Unlike his time in hockey, he was able to get many penalty minutes for fighting was in the Hobbit army. After completing his hobbit of army service he went back home. Biblo was still a young man and he had many years of young life. Also, while in the Hobbit service, he had heard of the VHL. A league beyond the sea where men sized men play hockey. No more would he take awkward team pictures that either only showed his belly button and down or were the picture was taken from 20 feet away. Now he could play the game as Gandolf intended. Bilbo got off the bus and was immediately amazed by all the human sized humans walking about and carrying all manner of fancy hockey sticks. They all had matching sweaters and several were his size or bigger. He walked up to a rink that said skills competition enter here. He had never seen a scythe shot hit as fast as the shots he was witnessing here. The thunderous crack of rock shaped rubbers hitting the boards. Bilbo was not certain he would be able to compete at this level after seeing them up close. He saw two of the human sized humans throw there gloves down and start fighting. Suddenly he could understand why the hobbits would not engage him at the MEH. It is very likely he would be in shire jail right now which is not built to accommodate his height. There was another rink that said speed competition. Bilbo had never seen anyone on skates more that fast. Bilbo’s line mate on the Orc Slayers was named Weeman. Weeman did not cut down the ice like these players but more troubled down the ice with his arms moving in a difficult to watch labored motion that an elderly human female might do upon first waking up in the morning. These players were faster, stronger and shot the rocks with much more accuracy. This is it though. Bilbo was finally where he belonged. He was in what looked to be a finer shrine to hockey than even the elves could devise. He had been working his whole life for this and now it would happen. He was assigned to the right side defense on his first trial. He would be certain to make the coaches proud. He had his skates recently sharpened, he had taped his stick and carefully placed his hockey armor on for the great battle. Just as Bilbo was ready to go out on the great ice for the first time, Gandolf arrived. Gandolph bequeathed to Bilbo the stick of a thousand ages. Just as Bilbo was ready to take the ice he realized one thing that caused a tsunami wave of despair to wash across his brow. He realized he forgot his lucky cup in Mordor. Gandolf sighed.

My name is Bilbo Teebaggins. I am anxious to get on the ice and shore up the blue line. I feel like we have a good group of guys here and we are looking to do big things this year.

Bubbles is epic. My fantasy football team at work is the Green Bastards. I won this year also.

Thank you bro

Player Information Username: SackButter Player Name: Bilbo Teebaggins Recruited From: YouTube Age: 21 Position: D Height: 75 in. Weight: 225 lbs. Birthplace: United States of America Player Page @VHLM GM