"We Don't Know Where the Books Go": League Historians Confirm Full Disappearance of Entire Archives Every Offseason

[Gustav 6,417]

ANYTOWN, USA (also possibly Canada or elsewhere I suppose): the annual question has been raised, to the surprise of absolutely nobody but the people asking it.

 

"Where's our trivia?"

"Is there no trivia in the offseason?"
"Why is there no trivia in the offseason?"

"Why haven't we brutally murdered those responsible for the lack of trivia in the offseason?"

"In fact, why haven't we done it in broad daylight?"

 

MURICA, because I'd like to invalidate the earlier fine print involving Canada and others. For no reason whatsoever.

 

The answer is one which confirms a long-standing rumor and invalidates the league's claim that those responsible for trivia (and, in turn, those responsible for making it so this reporter doesn't have to write articles such as these) are simply afforded a break in the offseason. Anonymous sources within VHL trivia headquarters have confirmed to this outlet that the trivia people aren't taking a break at all--in fact, the offseasons are devoted to attempting to root out the cause of the complete and total annual disappearance of all league historical archives, which lasts about three weeks on average and ceases to be a problem just as abruptly as it becomes one.

 

"You can word your question as many different ways as you want," said one worker in the league's historical department. "Put in as simple a manner as possible, we don't know where the books go. We've got it down to either ghosts or aliens or a really good thief with too much time on their hands." 

 

In 2018, the league attempted to figure out the cause of this disappearance by hiring a private security company to stake out the building. However, the next day, the guards were found asleep on the floor with the lights on and all the records gone, and a check of the surveillance footage showed that the system had been mysteriously offline for that night.

 

When asked why the league doesn't simply digitalize its data and back it up in different locations, our source had this to say: "Yeah, we've brought it up before, but our boss is this weird dude who's stuck in the '50s or some shit. He still wants us to do everything with a pencil and paper and the occasional slide rule." 

 

It remains to be seen what may come out of this story, but for now curious minds can do nothing but wonder.

 

 

 

(Hi @Victor I love you)

[Victor 10,942]

For once I have a real excuse and that's the fact I'm on holiday for a week and a half.

[BOOM 8,746]

44 minutes ago, Victor said:

For once I have a real excuse and that's the fact I'm on holiday for a week and a half.

 

Enjoy! 

[Spartan 4,402]

9 hours ago, Victor said:

For once I have a real excuse and that's the fact I'm on holiday for a week and a half.

Yeah where, the library of alexandria? BRING BACK OFFSEASON TRIVIA!!!!

[Victor 10,942]

3 hours ago, Spartan said:

Yeah where, the library of alexandria? BRING BACK OFFSEASON TRIVIA!!!!

Can't bring back something that never existed!

[Victor 10,942]

I am in Greece though so there must be some ancient artefact lying about somewhere.