Sam life update

[samx 1,173]

Hello VHL,

 

I have decided to do a little bit of a sam life update or as I am going to call it a samdate. I know I am so creative.

 

Anyways, I am writing this currently procrastinating all the work I need to do because why would I do things in a timely manner. I am currently like a week and a half out from finals starting and not going to lie am very stressed about them. I don’t know quite what I am doing to be completely honest with you. I have a lot of assignments due before finals while also trying to prep for finals, I don’t understand how people do this, to be honest. I give myself about a 3% chance of surviving finals and not wanting to crawl into a hole. I am in my first semester in college and honestly kind of hate it. I mean it's fine but it’s been a long few months. Adjusting is very hard for me and it hasn’t gone over well.

 

Moving on, I saw my dog for the first time in months this past week. It was wonderful. I had so much dog hair on me but it’s fine. It was very much worth it. I also saw friends and family but dog takes top tier, to be honest. It was really weird being home because I am so used to like having to put a mask on anytime I change rooms it was odd to not have to. It was nice to be away. I got back to school today and I did not miss it. When I got back and instant feelings of stress and anxiety came, which isn’t ideal. Speaking of which the next paragraph is gonna be about mental health stuff so if that’s a sensitive topic I’d suggest you stop reading.

 

Mental health is something that I have struggled with for a long time. The last 3ish weeks have been quite rough for me. Now you are probably like, "sam why are you talking about this?" My answer is as follows: My answer to that is as follows I know a lot of people who struggle with mental health and I just want people to know that it’s okay. It’s okay to struggle and admit that you are struggling. I’m very much open to friends about when I am struggling. They all know. It’s been such an odd few weeks of just depressive episodes that I can’t manage to fully pull myself out of. It’s like 1 step forward 3 steps back. It’s frustrating and annoying but I mean I know it will pass. It’s just been hard. With all the things I know coming up I'm just in a weird mindset in general and I am not looking forward to what’s coming ahead. I want to be back home with my dog but I am in my dorm room stressed instead.

 

It’s been those weeks where everything, even the smallest things overwhelm me and make me break down. I am working on getting better at dealing with it but it’s just a constant work in progress. As much as I know there are plenty of people willing to help me, I don't like reaching out for fear of annoying people. But sometimes you got to do it I suppose.

 

I guess the point of this is just that it’s okay to not be okay. Life sucks sometimes and that’s just the truth of it. If you’re struggling right now just know it will get better. Anyways sam out.

 

[JardyB10 4,865]

If spamming chicken nuggets doesn’t annoy your friends, surely reaching out for a chat or support won’t either.   

 

College sucks and is an incredibly taxing time in people’s lives. Unreasonably so at times. You’re a sharp lass though and you’ll get through it! 

[samx 1,173]

55 minutes ago, JardyB10 said:

If spamming chicken nuggets doesn’t annoy your friends, surely reaching out for a chat or support won’t either.   

 

College sucks and is an incredibly taxing time in people’s lives. Unreasonably so at times. You’re a sharp lass though and you’ll get through it! 

thank you jardy. I appreciate it. Also i dont spam my friends with nuggets smh

[Horcrux 322]

[fishy 1,757]

college is really difficult. i was never really into going out and having the stereotypical "college experience," getting shitfaced in a stranger's basement every weekend. that's not to say i never partook, but my point is that i also went through the same crushing feelings of loneliness and depression throughout my four years of college.

 

i'll tell you this - the first semester (and, probably, year) of college is difficult. it's no surprise that we as humans in a state of transition and uncertainty are going to be uncomfortable, which may have extreme effects for people like you and me that have a history of mental illness that's difficult to grab onto and control. it's demoralizing, exhausting, and disheartening to be stuck in a place where you don't have your safe places (like a bedroom to yourself), things (like your dog), and people (friends and family).

 

finals periods are extremely difficult, too. one of the worst parts of the school year is the dreaded 2-3 weeks between thanksgiving & winter break–you got a taste of home to quench the thirst for home, then you're rudely removed from your safe space to not only return to school, where you already don't want to be, but to an environment that somehow simultaneously embodies frenzied panic and an eerie quietness. finals suck, especially because of the fact that our education system leads us to believe that these exams and essays and projects all due at the end of the semester will objectively quantify how smart we are. in reality, it's just a measure of how good we are at school that has little transference to what we're doing after college.

 

i know that this period in your life is extremely difficult, especially as we continue to tiredly fight our way through a pandemic that makes being in an unfamiliar space even more difficult. i see you say often that you regret choosing a degree path that requires 6 years of schooling. however, i've also seen how excitedly you talk about the prospect of what comes after your degree–a career that means something to you.

 

take things one day, one week at a time. you don't have to try to emotionally conquer all 6 years of schooling after one semester. we've talked about how to maintain control of what you can, and i know that you're actively making efforts to give yourself a structure that works for you. keep doing that. you're working so hard right now, even when you're procrastinating by reminding people that mental health is important. remember that it's okay to take breaks. taking breaks is part of being successful. drilling yourself into the ground, telling yourself that you have to be "productive" (capitalist propaganda that we have to be productive to be valuable, btw) all the time is a great way to lose sight of where you are right now.

 

depression and anxiety have a way of infecting your life. i understand how aggressive those episodes can be and how much it can hurt to wake up in the morning and feel like it's never going to end. some days will be better than others. some days you won't be able to get out of bed or do the homework you planned for yourself. that's okay. you are so much more important than your grades. retaking a class isn't the end of the world, and i know you'll hear this a lot, but your GPA won't matter. i graduated with a stellar GPA, and i almost regret the amount of time, effort, and emotional energy i put into my grades when i know i could have gotten the exact same job i have right now if i'd finished with a 2.7.

 

let yourself be alive. take care of yourself as you need to, no matter what the cost is. if that means taking a break from college after your first year, then do it. if that means channeling a drive to push your way straight through six years of school, then do it. if that means putting off homework to drive around and blast music in the car with your friend while you go nowhere in particular, then just do it, for god's sake. be selfish. selfishness isn't an inherently bad thing–you spend your entire life with yourself, you might as well make that person someone that you actually like and are proud of.

 

just take care of yourself, sam. i know this time in your life is really difficult, but mental health isn't going to change just because you got good grades on your finals. take a deep breath and use this time in your life to learn how to love and care for yourself. you know that you have a strong support system of people here in the vhl and outside of it, and i hope you remember that we all want to see you become someone that you're happy to live with.

Edited November 30, 2021 by fishy