VHL Theory: Everyone is a Robot

[lemonan 49]

       I’ve been covering the VHL for the last couple of months, but I finally realized something. Something is odd about every single player in the VHL, VHLE, and VHLM. I’ve seen hundreds of players be slammed into the ice at high velocity speeds and be crushed into the boards with immense force, but not once, not even one time, have I ever seen a player be injured in a VHL hockey game. Now, one may say that this is just due to luck, but I think not. The probability behind that is borderline impossible. In fact, there is a far better explanation for why no VHL player ever gets injured. That’s right, it’s not that every player in the VHL doesn’t get injured because they are extremely durable or that they are just extremely lucky, it’s that they are all robots! 

 

       People will call me a conspiracy theorist, a madman, a crazed maniac, but they are all wrong. In fact, I am the only one that understands the truth behind this robot-filled league. Tell me this, have you ever seen the insides of a VHL player? No, right? That’s no coincidence, it’s because they would never let you see inside of them. And do you know why? That’s right! It’s because all that is inside of them is mechanical parts and gears. “But Lemon Man, they can’t be robots because they don’t shoot lasers out of their eyes!” you all say. Now, I was almost fooled by this truth, and it is extremely convincing,  but then I realized it. The ice rink provides a perfect cooling effect for the robot body of these players, causing them to cool during practice and in games and thereby shutting down their laser systems. Through these simple facts, it is clear to me and should be clear to all of you, the VHL is full of robots, and I personally cannot stand by it.

 

       In order to solidify my argument, I had an interview with VHLM star Marshall Maxx and asked him a hard hitting question: “Are you a robot?” And in response he responded with a simple “No.” before walking away quickly, as if he was trying to hide something. Now, you may think that this is how a normal person would respond to this question, but I think not. No, this is what a robot would answer to this question in order to try to hide their identity as a robot! To be completely honest, I was not convinced of my theory before my interview with Marshall, but his answer solidified my argument completely and made it entirely clear that the VHL is full of robots. 

 

       It is fully clear that every single player in the VHL, VHLE, and VHLM is definitively a robot. We need to rise up as a community and get to the bottom of this mystery. Anyone that disagrees with this is also most likely a robot, in fact, maybe everyone is a robot. Maybe I am a robot. Beep boop.

 

Word Count: 505

Claiming for Week of 1/2

Edited January 2, 2022 by lemonan

[Shindigs 1,771]

2 hours ago, lemonan said:

Maybe I am a robot. Beep boop.

You'll always be a Brobot in my book!

 

Is this why the best player in Hackey sounded like a robot for half the 1st podcast btw?