Marlins Struggle with “Clueless” Goalie

[DMaximus 1,045]

The San Diego Marlins recently signed upcoming goalie Clueless Wallob. Near the bottom of the standings, the Marlins are currently retooling their team to prepare them for future success. During the courting and signing of Clueless, there was optimism that the hot goalie prospect could help the team for the remainder of this season.

 

Through eleven games, that optimism has been erased and replaced with skepticism and, in some cases, downright anger. “Clueless is the best name for him, because he has no clue what he’s doing in net” said one angry season ticket holder. “I don’t know if management thinks it’s funny signing a player based on their name. But it’s not. Watching someone get chased out of the net game after game is not funny. I don’t care what their name is.”

 

The numbers backup the concerns of the fans. Through 11 games, Clueless has a GAA of a whopping 6.40 and has been pulled from an astounding 5 of the 11 games. Clueless has only 1 win from those 11 starts. If there is some silver lining, it is from his raw save numbers. Clueless has 3 games with 50+ saves.

 

Marlins’ management has stood behind Clueless during his rocky start in between the pipes. “We’re very excited to have Clueless on our team. He’s got a great pedigree and he works so hard on his craft. He has our full support for the rest of this season and, hopefully beyond that.” The final part of that quote serves a reminder that Clueless will be eligible for the VHLM draft during the offseason.

 

Clueless is already joining a crowded goalie market and regardless of player pedigree or sponsoring by the DMaximus player agency, these recent results have certainly had an effect on his draft stock. One VHLM insider was quoted as saying “look, every VHLM team already has at least 2 goalies, only a couple are going to be leaving to the E in the offseason. Goalie is not an ‘in-demand’ position. Struggling like Clueless has will give all VHLM GMs at least a momentary pause before drafting Clueless.”

 

It’s tough for any new goalie in this league.  joining a team in the middle of the season. Especially one near the bottom of the standings. It takes time to build a connection with your defense. Establishing that connection is especially difficult when they’re bots. About working with bots, Clueless said “You know, I don’t really speak bot, you know. So it’s tough to tell them where I want them and how I want them to play. I say go here and they look at me puzzled, which is tough for them to look, because I don’t think they have eyes. But I know they’re looking, just not how we look. But, believe me, they look. They look and they say they don’t understand. Well they don’t really say they don’t understand because they can’t talk, they’re just bots, but the same way they look when they can’t look, they talk when they can’t talk. So they’re looking at me and saying “I don’t understand” without looking and talking. Get it?”

 

Working well with bots, humans, management, and fans is all part of the job requirements for a VHL goalie. We’ll see how Clueless is able to adopt to all of this as he begins his career as a professional goaltender.

[Lemorse7 897]

1 hour ago, DMaximus said:

Clueless said “You know, I don’t really speak bot, you know. So it’s tough to tell them where I want them and how I want them to play. I say go here and they look at me puzzled, which is tough for them to look, because I don’t think they have eyes. But I know they’re looking, just not how we look. But, believe me, they look. They look and they say they don’t understand. Well they don’t really say they don’t understand because they can’t talk, they’re just bots, but the same way they look when they can’t look, they talk when they can’t talk. So they’re looking at me and saying “I don’t understand” without looking and talking. Get it?”

Best quote ever