Tater Tottingham - Junior Review

[Trunkxolotl 173]

Tater Tottingham: The Spud Defensemen

 

 

It's hard growing up as a starchy tuber plant in PEI, Canada not knowing where you and your family might end up. For Tater Tottingham, like most of his family he was seasoned and baked long before he picked up a hockey stick, pulled on his first pair of skates and started dazzling on lookers.

 

 

This beet reporter got right down to Tater's roots, and heard this following conversation at the local arena:

 

Quote

 

"Is that a Potato skating?!"

"Why does that surprise you, there was one who was a goalie in the VHL that just retired recently. Even set a record I think."

"...because it's a potato?"

"Actually it's a Tater Tot....tingham. They're cousins. The players are I mean. Tater Tot's aren't cousins to potatoes. They're just cooked potatoes."

 

Growing up on the farm helped build impressive physique, and daily sprayings from his farm's irrigation system helped instill proper hydrating practices in the young Tot long before he hit puberty. (Author's Note: Puberty for the Tottingham family is reached once baking has occurred.) Tossing hay bales around provided ample upper body strength, while moving around farm equipment has of course attributed to his tree-trunk like legs. These qualities combined will certainly make sure Tater is... apeeling to potential teams looking to shore up their defense.

It has been a pretty big shadow for Tottingham to learn to play under considering the success of his older cousin, but thankfully Potato based creatures thrive in the darkness. Because they grow underground, usually. Nonetheless Tater Tottingham has done his best to differentiate himself from his cousin, choosing to play defense rather than being the last line of defense and taking on a slightly different moniker then his puck stopping relative.

Of course, there has been a little bit of learning curve for the budding defense-men, having showing up to the VHLM Draft Combine in his barn clothes. Of course on the farm a Combine is a piece of equipment, not a place for rigorous testing. Though he can't be blamed, as Combines are used for harvesting on a farm, and what is a VHLM team doing, if not looking to harvest his skills for the upcoming season. His all out offensive game is in starch comparison to many of those who share his position.

Speaking of season....ing (Great transition, I know), Tottingham is anything but a bland personality. A nice blend of loyalty, humility, basil, garlic powder, paprika, salt, pepper and of course a strong work ethic combines to make for a promising career in the both hockey, and a downright tasty afterlife.

All and all, this cubed, battered and baked potato has led a short yet fulfilling life, all of which has led up to his current set of goals and obstacles. Because that's how time works, it only moves forward. Will he be a flash in the (baking) pan, or have a successful career? Only the timer will tell.

Edited June 10, 2022 by Trunkxolotl
Formatting as requested

[NSG 498]

This is ridiculously funny  bro

 

 You're already a master of Dad jokes ngl

[JardyB10 4,865]

1 hour ago, Trunkxolotl said:

Speaking of season....ing

 

I’m so proud

[eagle_3450 278]

I want a steroid test because of the pesticides and fertilizer given to the potato.