Is Jan Hlozek the most boring player in the VHL?

[Bojovnik 487]

No-one knows who Jan Hlozek is. Did you know that he has now spent 7 seasons in the VHL on three different teams? Did you know that he is consistently in and around the top 10 in defencemen scoring for the past 3 seasons?

 

I guess maybe some of you will become more familiar with Jan Hlozek as you fill out your VHFL teams, as the Czech defenceman was ranked 17^th on the S83 Player Rankings, meaning that some, if not many of you, will burn your 4^th or 5^th round pick on this bum (remember, the meta is to take forwards with your first picks).

 

However, does anyone know who Jan Hlozek really is? We don’t know much either.

 

Hlozek came into the league as a completely unknown first-gen after signing up, joining the Saskatoon Wild. After a switch to the Miami Marauders, Hlozek was part of the Florida team’s S77 Founder’s Cup winning team, also claiming a gold medal in the WJC with Team Europe in the same year.

 

These achievements helped Hlozek rise up the draft rankings, and he was selected 8^th overall by the Riga Reign. During the live draft, many commentators looked at this “boring” first-gen, who mostly sat in the shadows, with derision. Few believed that Hlozek would go on to become a key contributor at the top level of professional hockey.

 

Fast forward seven seasons, Hlozek has played in 432 regular season VHL games, registering 437 points from the blueline. In 38 postseason games, Hlozek has racked up 38 points, although the Czech blueliner has only really had playoff success over the past two seasons, reaching the NA Conference Finals with the Los Angeles Stars in 82, and the Continental Cup Finals with the Moscow Menace last season.

 

But still, no-one cares about Jan Hlozek right? The premier second-pairing defenceman who has only been able to thrive in sheltered minutes while sat behind “elite” blueliners such as Linus Zetterstrom, Tui Sova, and Hard Markinson.

 

To some, he’s known as Hollywood Hlozek, a moniker that was coined during the Topolna native’s time in Los Angeles. To others, he’s that “Bojo” guy, drawing weird comparisons with UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who is known in the British tabloid press by the same name.

 

But as time appears to wind down on Jan Hlozek’s career, what does he make of the path he forged? Is Hlozek happy with the way his time in the VHL has gone, and what sort of future awaits him in the future? To answer that question, we reached out to his agent Juraj Holesovsky, who sent us the following e-mail.

 

“Jan does not want to speak on these topics. He thinks that the VHL is full of bums, and that he has been consistently FISTED ANALLY BY A CIRCUS MONKEY throughout his time in the league,” Holesovsky wrote.

 

So, old man Hollywood Hlozek gets at least one more go around next season. Will he finally get the cup that he feels he deserves? Our sources say no. But, in any case, he’ll retire to the Czech countryside and forget all about his time in the VHL.

Edited June 28, 2022 by Bojovnik

[AJW 2,306]

We loved you in LA. I loved beating you these past finals. A lot of love to go around.