Help I'm being blackmailed by an Andorran man!

[Shindigs 1,771]

As part of the negotiations/extortion between Juan Ceson and the Las Vegas Aces management to get him to re-sign in FA. It was decided that part of the payment for his services would be an article about Juan Ceson, written in Swedish. So here goes, I'll even add a solid Google Translate version in English at the end.

 

Hej och välkomna till HockeyNews.nu's nya intervju med VHL-stjärnan Bo Johansson, om hans roll I att få Las Vegas Aces kapten, Juan Ceson, att skriva på ett nytt kontrakt med klubben.

 

Reporter: Tjenare Bosse, vi hörde att du hade en roll att spela i det som händer i Vegas igår?

 

Bo: Jo, det stämmer. Vi behövde någon som agerade som proxy i förhandlingarna, och pga. min nära kontakt med deras GM så var jag det uppenbara valet, tydligen.

 

Reporter: Och hur gick förhandlingarna, vad det svårt att hitta en kompromiss?

 

Bo: Nej, på det stora hela så var det väl inte så farligt. Största problemet var väl att det var en period där Juan Ceson-lägret verkligen ville ha Reid Johnson's njure som en del av kontraktet. Vilket verkade lite väl extremt.

 

Reporter: Hans njure?! Varför?

 

Bo: Det fick vi aldrig veta, tyligen skulle njuren vara kvar i Reid's kropp men leasad av Juan Ceson till honom. Ganska skumt.

 

Reporter: Så hur slutade allt, vad blev det för krav i Ceson's kontrakt?

 

Bo: Ja alltså en del var väl ganska rimligt med tanke på hans långa och framgångsrika tid med laget. Han vill att tröjan ska upp i taket efter säsongen. Att minst en fråga i varje presskonferens ska vara om honom och att Reid ska vara hans assistent, och att han ska få vara kapten utan att behöva röstas fram. Men sen var det även lite skummar saker som "tillgång till källaren" vad det nu betyder, att Thunder ska vara hans vän igen samt att han ska få vara tillsammans med Zampony fortfarande. Det sistnämnda kan jag också förstå. Sen var det några saker som hade och göra med deras omklädningsrum som jag inte kan prata om här.

 

Reporter: Ja det lät som några av de mest unika kraven för ett kontrakt jag hört talas om in VHLM. Men grattis till Vegas oavsett, hoppas att de får en fin säsong med Ceson som kapten igen.

 

English Translation (courtesy of Google Translate, and thus shit)

Reporter: Waiter Boss, we heard you had a part to play in what happened in Vegas yesterday?

Bo: Yes, that's right. We needed someone who acted as a proxy in the negotiations, and because my close contact with their GM so I was the obvious choice, apparently.

Reporter: And how did the negotiations go, how difficult was it to find a compromise?

Bo: No, on the whole it wasn't that dangerous. The biggest problem was that there was a period where the Juan Ceson camp really wanted Reid Johnson's kidney as part of the contract. Which seemed a bit extreme.

Reporter: His kidney?! Why?

Bo: We never found out, apparently the kidney was supposed to remain in Reid's body but leased to him by Juan Ceson. Pretty shady.

Reporter: So how did it all end, what were the demands in Ceson's contract?

Bo: Yes, some of it was quite reasonable considering his long and successful time with the team. He wants the shirt to go up to the ceiling after the season. That at least one question in every press conference should be about him and that Reid should be his assistant, and that he should be captain without having to be voted. But then there were also some shady things like "access to the basement" whatever that means, that Thunder will be his friend again and that he will still be with Zampony. I can also understand the latter. Then there were some things to do with their dressing room that I can't talk about here.

Reporter: Yeah that sounded like some of the most unique requirements for a contract I've heard of in VHLM. But congrats to Vegas regardless, hope they have a nice season with Ceson as captain again.

[OrbitingDeath 3,181]

I read the title as 'im being blackmailed by anderson' first

 

[Shindigs 1,771]

Just now, OrbitingDeath said:

I read the title as 'im being blackmailed by anderson' first

 

That would have been significantly worse.

[OrbitingDeath 3,181]

Just now, Shindigs said:

That would have been significantly worse.

Plottwist. Shindigs actually is Anderson

[Shindigs 1,771]

6 minutes ago, OrbitingDeath said:

Plottwist. Shindigs actually is Anderson

I actually already made a .com graphic on that theme back when Horcrux was found to be a multi. Made a fake Create a Player thread for Jo Bohansson which was just my player picture with those fake nose+mustache glasses and with "From: Referral (Anderson)"

Edited September 5, 2022 by Shindigs

[Daniel Janser 2,167]

57 minutes ago, Shindigs said:

I actually already made a .com graphic on that theme back when Horcrux was found to be a multi. Made a fake Create a Player thread for Jo Bohansson which was just my player picture with those fake nose+mustache glasses and with "From: Referral (Anderson)"

I remember that... also I almost understood the whole interview in Swedish... Swiss German and Swedish are very alike (another potential tripwire for anyone Non-Swedish/Swiss)...

[dylanjj37 340]

@Shindigs I STILL WANT THE KIDNEY

[Shindigs 1,771]

1 hour ago, dylanjj37 said:

@Shindigs I STILL WANT THE KIDNEY

I'm sure you do.

[TopTiddee2 186]

1 hour ago, dylanjj37 said:

@Shindigs I STILL WANT THE KIDNEY

no

[dylanjj37 340]

17 minutes ago, TopTiddee2 said:

no

okay i will settle for you assisting me

 

...with getting your kidney