Moths Join the League; Bystanders Upset by Insectoid Appearance?

[Renomitsu 930]

Spanish Moon Moth is no stranger to scrutiny – after all, with his giant, hairy thorax, illustrious forewing and hindwing designs, and giant antennae all in the size roughly of a human, his appearance can be somewhat jarring. And for some reason, no professional or amateur league tends to care much about his wings – no, no, those are allowed to hang out in their entirety on the ice, obfuscating the same amount two or three adjacent players might. What people are really worried about are the jarring, neatly sectioned compound eye and coiled proboscis on his face.

 

Personally, he thinks it’s a bit insulting. Why are all of these human people so worried about the appearance of his face? It’s not as if seeing things a bit more sharply or differently gives him a substantial advantage on the ice when every player has to wear garish helmets with funny logos and vibrant colors.

 

“Ooh, you’ll scare the children!,” so he’s told.

 

“Moths don’t play hockey!” he’s heard time and time again. Thankfully, there’s no rule in the book that says a moth can’t play.

 

One can probably imagine the hardship that Spanish Moon and his classmate, Sunset Moth, have had trying to enter the world of hockey. I mean, is Spanish Moon Moth even a singular moth? Is there an issue if he’s a conglomeration of dozens of moths moving very quickly, or dozens of dozens of smaller moths that are also moving very quickly? Does it matter so long as he’s only got one stick, fits in a single uniform, and fits a (specially sized) helmet? It’s commonly believed that moths don’t produce sounds, but many actually produce sounds that are so soft that some other animals can’t hear them. Yes, they’re overstimulated at the sight of a lantern or really bright lights that typically illuminate arenas and ice rinks. But that should be viewed as a handicap the Moths need to overcome, not as a reason they’d have an unfair advantage.

 

The VHL is no stranger to unorthodox players, and that’s precisely why it’s one of the leading hockey leagues in the world. The Board Game Clue On Skates is still playing games for London and has tallied over 500 points in their (nearly) eight seasons in the league. At some point I’m reasonably certain a velociraptor and an amorphous being simply named “Womp Womp Womp Womp Womp Jr.” has taken the ice without so much as an extra comment or fuss from the crowds or coaching staff. Viewers have proposed that there’s a safety concern in allowing moths to play professional hockey – but let me ask you: have you ever been stung or stabbed by a moth? Bitten by one? Suffered any degree of physical injury?

 

The simple answer is: probably not. Moth bites aren't generally venomous, they don't have stingers, and can't bite you in any meaningful way. The only real context in which you can suffer from having a moth around is if you’re intimidated by their appearance – a talent plenty of enforcers use to make their presence known independent of species – OR if you eat them. And this writer finds it unlikely that more than one or two players have ever been eaten while actively on the ice. Save your outrage for someone or something else that deserves it; Spanish Moon Moth and Sunset Moth are here to stay.

 

(OK but seriously please don't eat my player, thanks.)