Devastation As Wayne Gretzky Breaks His Everything

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There was devastating news in the Wayne Gretzky camp in the lead-up to this draft as it was revealed that in a freak accident, Wayne Gretzky, the man considered to be the best ice hockey player of all time, had “broken their everything”.  

 

Given Gretzky’s stature in the hockey universe, it was anticipated that they would be the first player ever to be pushed forward a VHL Draft Class, entering into the Season 91 Draft Class instead of the Season 92 class that players will be entered into if they create at the trade-deadline.  However, in the lead-up to that draft, it became clear that something wasn’t right with Gretzky as the usual confidence and exuberance coming out of the camp was not there and was in fact radio silent. It was only when the VHL Draft took place that it was clear that Gretzky would in fact not be immediately joining the pro league as their name was nowhere to be found on draft boards and a lot of VHL teams were confused as to why they couldn’t select the greatest hockey player of all time.

 

A statement from Wayne Gretzky’s camp was then released following the draft:

 

“It is with our deepest sadness and regret to inform the Victory Hockey League that “The King of Kings” Wayne Gretzky will not be playing in the Victory Hockey League in Season 91 as we had originally anticipated. This has unfortunately been brought about because of a freak accident that has led to “The Gold Standard” Wayne Gretzky breaking their everything. While Wayne Gretzky (of Wayne Gretzky fame) has put on a brave face, an achievement in itself given that everything inside of Wayne “The Brain” Gretzky is broken, it has become clear that “The Son of God” Wayne Gretzky will have to take time out to rehabilitate these devastating injuries. No-one in recorded history has ever fully recovered from a broken everything, but “Big Diesel” Wayne Gretzky is the greatest fighter of all time and we feel confident that this fighting spirit will see “The Don” Wayne Gretzky return in full force in one season’s time and absolutely gretz the VHLM in Season 92.”

 

The last sentence confirmed that Wayne Gretzky would be playing in the VHLM in Season 92 but was still made available to draft by VHLM Commissioners in the Season 91 VHLM Draft. While nearly every team was clearly beside themselves with the thought of having the greatest of all time potentially join their minor league roster (Editor real world note: No they weren’t, only one GM PM’d me and that was Ottawa), the risks of signing a player with a broken everything were too much for many teams and Wayne Gretzky made the previously unthinkable slide to the fourth round where they were selected by the Ottawa Lynx. Now, while Gretzky definitely will not be playing any hockey in Season 91, we have received word that should Gretzky in fact fully recover from their broken everything, they will start their rehabilitation process in the VHLM and have decided to honour Ottawa’s faith by letting the General Manager know that they will play for the franchise in Season 92.

 

While it is not yet clear if Wayne Gretzky will ever recover fully from their broken everything, we are eagerly looking forward to seeing how they can do once they are projected to return to ice hockey in Season 92.

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This is an all-time great article.