CTESPN Taps Kramerev for Hockey Coverage

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CTESPN Taps Kramerev for Hockey Coverage

 

This morning, CTESPN President and CEO, Antonio Brown and Chairman Mr Big Chest held a press conference to announce that retired Calgary Wranglers and New York Americans defenseman, Kosmo Kramerev would be joining the network as its first ever VHL hockey analyst.

 

“Kosmo brings a blend of experience and professionalism that is exactly what CTESPN needs to kick-start our hockey coverage,” said Brown, before grinning broadly and casting an unsettling, wide-eyed look around the press room. 

 

“You've got three liters of Kramerev in your coverage, buddy,” said Kramerev, gesturing emphatically in Brown's direction.

 

Kramerev would be an unconventional choice for most sports networks. The mind behind multiple failed hockey leagues, each more unusual than the last, and the co-star of the historically massive cinema flop, Space Trek: The Rage of Khatun, Kramerev is generally considered unreliable and eccentric at best, or a flight risk, at worst. For CTESPN, however, this would generally be considered “on brand.”

 

Kramerev is expected to provide updates on the VHL with alleged regularity, as well as analysis of individual games, bringing the expertise of a nine season veteran to a network that has, until now, exclusively covered the NFL.

 

Terms of Kramerev's contract were incomprehensible gibberish.