Interesting Places in the US, and Which Teams I Would Move There

[Gustav 6,129]

I'm a nerd for many reasons, but one of those reasons is that I'm a little overly interested in geography. By that, I don't mean anything useful, like understanding how topographic features affect weather patterns or human migration or anything. I mean all the dumb stuff like knowing where to find any country on a map, learning the location of each of Ohio's 88 counties, or digging into the history of abnormal features like what the border used to look like between India and Bangladesh. Along the way, I've come across lots of different places that I find interesting for one dumb reason or another, and I'm going to try to match some VHL teams to those places for the purposes of rebranding.

 

Gaffney, South Carolina - the "Peach Capital of South Carolina," Gaffney is known pretty much entirely as the site of the iconic Peachoid water tower. Because of this, the Gaffney Peaches would be a super gimmicky team name. As it's very close to Spartanburg, I think @Spartan  and Moscow would be a nice target for relocation here. 

 

Kanorado, Kansas - named the way it is because of its location near the state line with Colorado, Kanorado is near Mount Sunflower, the highest point in the entire state. Although Mount Sunflower isn't at all distinguishable from the land that surrounds it, I think that's part of what makes it cool and I think the 153 people living in Kanorado could use a hockey team to make them a bit more distinguishable from the rest. The Kanorado Sunflowers make natural sense to me, and I'd move Saskatoon here because they're already in very flat territory and could get used to it pretty quickly.

 

Greensburg, Kansas - I swear I'll move out of small towns in Kansas after this one, but you'd be hard-pressed to find a place with a more compelling history. Greensburg was completely wiped out by a tornado in 2007, and since completely rebuilt. For that reason, I'd move Chicago here and keep the Phoenix nickname--it's arguably much more fitting here than there. Oh, and it's also the site of the world's largest hand-dug well!

 

Seville, Ohio - proclaiming itself as "a giant of a village" on multiple signs throughout town, I've actually visited this one and was surprised by how much they lean into their most distinguishing feature--that being the home and burial site of the world's tallest married couple. I suppose it's better to focus on that than to draw attention to being the retirement home of Jeffrey Dahmer's father, and it's for that reason that I'll suggest that they go full tacky and welcome the Seville Giants to town--relocated from New York, because New York already has a team called the Giants and I think it would be funny to get rid of a different team in favor of the name.

 

Kennebunkport, Maine - the most well-off place I've ever been to, Kennebunkport is about an hour away from Portland and is the vacation home of the Bush family (as in, both American presidents). I think this would be an interesting social experiment in that a team here could conceivably charge a whole boatload of money to people who have whole boatloads to throw around. Could they balance the budget of a team on a town with somewhat limited population? Quite possibly--and though I'm not 100% sure I love the name, perhaps the Kennebunkport Executives would have to do. I'd move (gasp) Davos here as it's a small-population, rich-people place who probably knows a thing or two.

 

Boonville, California - not in a part of the state that's commonly visited, Boonville is isolated from lots of other places out on the West Coast--which could certainly have been a factor in the development of a language entirely specific to Boonville. The name could come from any word at all in Boontling, but I like the Boonville Bootjacks a lot because the words sound similar and "Bootjacks" just means "Coyotes"--something that's already a thing in the hockey world. Out of all the teams the league has to offer, I think Ottawa, being very wildcat-ish itself and having (in my opinion) a relatively boring logo and a name that's just ripped from their defunct minor league baseball team, could benefit from placement here.

 

Amboy, California - with a population of 4, Amboy isn't the first place one would expect to have an iconic site that's come up in lots of familiar media, but Roy's Motel and Cafe is just that. The reason why both of these things are true is that the town was once a big stop on America's famed Route 66, and is one of many that serve as a memory of what once was. The Amboy Jets would be a nice fit with some of the architecture that defined the town's heyday, and it's for that reason that I'd also move New York here on the same basis as I did for the Giants above.

 

 

I hope you enjoyed my list of places and that you found them entertaining (and that you learned a thing or two about some of the more unique places the US has to offer!). Come and visit sometime.

[Daniel Janser 1,983]

1 hour ago, Gustav said:

Kennebunkport Executives

I swear I expected the Kennbunkport Presidents

[Daniel Janser 1,983]

1 hour ago, Gustav said:

I think Ottawa, being very wildcat-ish itself

Coyotes are canine though... but I guess it is as good a reason as any...

Hmm looks like Amboy was the real life reference of the town Radiator Springs in the Cars cartoon.

BTW I share your enthusiasm for geography and every now and then (once in a blue moon) I use it to baffle my audience (or maybe they just think 'Only a nerd would know this'), but frankly I do not care...

Edited April 9 by Daniel Janser