Ready to attack on the ice and off the ice

[jRuutu 2,467]

Blinded by the fake eyelashes in the bathroom sink, the farting sounds - almost as if someone is playing the contrabassoon, and dark brown stains on the toilet bowl, the good people of VHL thought Moscow Menace was not a fine lady but a disgusting beast. Moscow Menace, once the main character in their dreams was now the main character in nightmares. The good people of VHL were wrong. The last ten games have shown Moscow Menace is still the hot babe with the charisma and oomph to turn the heads of anyone who happens to see Moscow Menace.  

 

Moscow Menace is the elegant and gracious host of a dinner party, but as the good people VHL have once again seen - the looks can be deceiving. When teams in VHL line up to start trade negotiations just so they have an excuse to talk with Moscow Menace, it is often Moscow Menace that leaves the negotiation table as the winner.  For example, in the last VHL draft Moscow Menace picked first and second overall. Those on the outskirts, staring and admiring Moscow Menace, have started to whisper among themselves about the upcoming trade deadline - what is Moscow Menace going to do? Is Moscow Menace going to do anything?  In the history of VHL, there have been only a handful of teams that have sparked whispers as loud as Moscow Menace. 

 

Beneath the concoction of unwashed underwear on the bedroom floor and expensive dresses lay a side not many get to see.  The last time Moscow Menace won the VHL championship was in Season 70. That is a long time without getting the ultimate recognition and reward for all the hard work Moscow Menace has done out in the open and the shadows.  However, you would not be able to get even a whiff of pressure of any kind as Moscow Menace carries themselves like a seasoned senator.

 

The question in everyone's mind right now is: can Moscow Menace keep this momentum going? The answer is yes. Like deadly animals in the wild that camouflage themselves to the surroundings as they wait for the right time to attack, Moscow Menace has done the same.  While wearing a dress worth thousands, in the middle of a nice dinner, passed through the intestines of Moscow Menace floats a smell combining caviar, cheese, and wine - an illusion of a creature that looks and behaves nothing like you would imagine has been created. Those present look around in awe for a brief moment before perhaps letting one fly as well, thinking they do not have to pretend anymore. Similarly, as the league has now let its guards down, Moscow Menace is ready to strike. The league thinks they have figured out Moscow Menace and how to handle them, the league thinks Moscow Menace is desperate to make trades, but the opposite is true. Moscow Menace is exactly where they want to be - ready to attack on the ice and off the ice. 

 

Allowing other teams to dream and think for a second they could stop Moscow Menace from getting where Moscow Menace needs to be is both cruel and kind - but that is Moscow Menace - cruel and kind.

[Gaikoku-hito 2,089]

Why am I getting James Bond vibes from reading this?

 

 

What Moscow thinks they are:

 

How the rest of the league see them:

 

 

[Thunder 1,168]

Could have substituted Montezuma’s Revenge on that first part.  Very vivid.